Addicted to reassurance.

A friend of mine's low self-esteem is quite dependant on reassurance; "my self esteem would be dead if you wern't around to reassure me =/" My intention is never just to do that though; I often try to give her practical advice but I'm not as effective as I'd like to be.

You could say she's making gradual progress as in beginning to accept compliments now, and gaining a confidence boost from them. However she confesses that what's holding her back from independently believing in herself is fear of disappointment, therefore not just causing her to avoid getting her hopes up- there's always relapse into habitual self-deprecation so she can yearn hopelessly for a prospect; the reward of that long-awaited acknowledged achievement.

She cannot find self-actualisation from within like introverted me, so I was wondering if her situation is more a matter of trait/temperament or the warped thinking?

Do any of you guys know someone, or yourself to be addicted to reassurance as well?

Thanks, all replies would be appreciated.

I can't really comment on this. But I send you my support

Unfortunately, we can't give someone else self-esteem. We can only change ourselves. You can tell her that you care, and offer support and resources (which you can find here), but what she does with that will be up to her.

Hi,
Look up "dependent personality disorder." May provide some additional insight.
Take care,
Okie

Rapuzel i completely agree..but i think i understand the relaplse thing..you see....forst off-all the %#@&#! has to come out..and also because of bad habbits of thining she is used to...it will continue lie this..progress relaplse progress relapse untill the progress overtakes the relapse-you probably knwo that...

i think such people DO need support and warmth and all of us with self asteem issue need to be told that we are fne over and over...and this may not help untill we get the cncept ourselves........

however..i agree again with Rapuzel that if you are nit a psychologist....you can`t help her and EVEN psychologist won`t help any1 who is not ready to help himself! but fomr what i understand she does make progress which is great.

she may have that "dependent personality disorder..and she may not... that is what psychologists are for..we may recognize it but still not cokpletely....there are so many "in between" issues there,,,,complicated.

<font color="purple"> In general, I have a pretty dependant personality disorder when it comes to some things. Like...how I feel the need to walk up to my art teacher multiple times (maybe...5? That would put it at around roughly every 10 minutes or so) during the class just to make sure that I'm not making a bad choice with my artwork.

But then again, when it comes to more academic subjects, I'm sure of myself because I tend to know the information, and grasp new information faster then everyone else.

So my dependancey...really depends on wether or not I think I know what the heck I'm doing.</font>