[Ljj7000]

I want to have better self-confidence and self-esteem. My self-esteem isn't that high. It's not ideal. There are certain problems that I go through because of my low confidence. I don't have good enough thick skin (ability to handle criticism), I feel inadequate sometimes, I get jealous easily, I compare myself to others (pretty unhealthy habit), I get sad at myself for not having certain things, and I tend to feel insecure. I could get into an argument and feel a slight urge to cry. Then, my day is ruined. Sometimes, I find faults in others just to feel better about myself. But I do this internally. I never say these things to people. I want to just stop.

I want to stop being insecure. I want to stop being shy. Since I have low confidence and self-esteem, I am very shy and socially awkward when it comes to social situations. I don't know how to act socially "okay". Sometimes, I'm scared of coming across as rude or disrespectful.

I really want to start loving myself. I want to stop being socially awkward. I have mild autism which could have something to do with my social awkwardness. I want to start being assertive. I really just want to start having better self-esteem.

I really need help with this.

I am a 20 year old male.

I am coming from this from a female perspective and I know guys have additional challenges socially. For instance, males can be quite competitive, and my son says they will sometimes take advantage of a male competitor's weakness in matters of work, love and friendly competition while tending to help their woman coworkers.

However, most people are still building self confidence in their 20s. One of my best friends in high school was quite nerdy and we laughed at our weaknesses. Having joined the track team together, when it became apparent we had no hope of winning events, we quit together and starting working at McDonalds at the same time. We would laugh at our lack of dancing skills and the way our high schools only strict teacher who demanded studiousness, etc. would call me out in class for my lackadaisical attitude and study habits. She was the only teacher whom I completed (usually) homework for and she managed to catch me ditching school a few times my junior and senior year whilst my friend was afraid to break the slightest rule. We enjoyed laughing about these differences. We accepted the ways we weren't cool (our weaknesses). It is helpful to your self esteem to inventory your strengths and weaknesses learning to accept/laugh at things you don't do well. For instance, when I did something extremely clumsy, I enjoyed telling the story. Being regulary bucked off my horse; carelessly riding my bike/car resulting in accidents, etc. was part of my narrative. These things happened to me and I just accepted it and told it to my friends in hopes of making them laugh. So perhaps when you are especially socially awkward, you might be able to turn it into a humorous story that makes you interesting/ helps you connect with others. You say you are shy but if you can make one connection (and this friend of mine had many friends---sometimes the best people to make friends with have many friends and they introduce you to other friends---sometimes people who have many friends have them because they are wonderful people---never let jealousy cause you to miss out on making connections with the kind of people who can lift you up.) Love is something that can be felt for more than one person in your life. You are missing out on a whole lot of friends if you feel the need to be their exclusive friend.

Lastly, becoming good at something boosts self confidence. I know I am a good cook. It comes from years of putting 2-3 meals a day on the table and continuing to try new recipes in order to find additional great dishes to add to my repertoire. They say that learning many skill well requires 10,000 hours of practice. Pride in both the effort it takes to become skillful as well as the
actual skill mastered make us more happy and confident. It is a lifelong pursuit that is not a spectator sport.