[a.l.90]

I just put a hold on my 5 year relationship, we came on a mutual agreement that we have to work on ourselves and fix our self-esteem, insecurities, and just other personal issues before we can give each other our all.

I have very low self-esteem and I depended on her constant praise or reassurance to make me feel good. Now I have learned I can’t depend on someone to give me that and I need to feel it and believe it myself.

The problem is I don’t know where to start or what to even do to fix this issue. I’ve tried to work on it in the past, but haven’t really dedicated that much time or energy to it.

Anyone struggling with an issue like this, I’d love the advice or some direction, suggestions, tips that you use or try, anything at this point!

Thanks in advance!

[Skeezyks]

Well... I don't know... my self-esteem is pretty-much in the toilet... has been for a l-o-n-g time... & for good reason. But in my case, I'm too old to worry about it at this point. It all just is what it is... or was...

I wish I knew what to tell you. Of course, the mainstream solution to this is therapy of one sort or another. I've tried a few therapists over the years. It never amounted to anything. But, then, I'd have to admit I didn't exactly dive into it with gusto either.

My personal preference at this point is for the Tibetan Buddhist "Lojong" (mind training) teachings as taught by the Buddhist nun Pema Chödrön. I've read her books over-&-over. And I try as best I can to put the teachings into practice, although I'd have to admit I'm a pretty poor student.

I guess, over the years, I've become pretty-much a fatalist. Things just are what they are & life is what you make it. And there really are no secret solutions to anything. All there is, is the opportunity to work as hard as you can to make things as good as you can for yourself & others.

So, with that, I'll leave you with this quote from the book Zen Poems & Sayings (Grange Books, 2005):

"A martial arts student went to his teacher and said earnestly, 'I'm devoted to studying your martial system. How long will it take me to master it?' The teacher's reply was casual. 'Ten years.' Impatiently, the student answered, 'But I want to master it faster than that. I will work very hard. I will practice every day, ten or more hours a day if I have to. How long will it take then?' The teacher thought for a moment, '20 years.' "

[bpforever1]

I have very low self-esteem also. What helps is doing things that make you happy and trying to do your best at whatever you do. Little baby steps of happiness and success can go a long way. I try to enjoy my life with what I have- eating out, listening to music, walking in the park, watching movies. I also try to do the best I can at my job- positive feedback does wonders for self-esteem. Finally, let go of blaming others for your situation and try to be responsible for yourself and your actions. I come from a dysfunctional family. They are probably nuttier than I am. I also come from an abusive family. My father was a violent man and over-critical and my mother was the epitome of self-hatred and loathing. Thus, coming from such a family, I could have easily keep blaming them for my situation. But, I stopped doing this. I am an adult now. I know right from wrong. So, my family is screwed up. But, I will try not to be as screwed up. It is not easy to let go of one's upbringing and past. I have done it to a certain extent though and feel more in charge of my future and present. For example, I used to not take my medication and was hospitalized many times. I also became homeless because of this. After becoming homeless and seeing what reality really is in its rawest form, I came to my senses and forgave all in my family and most of all started to be more responsible for my actions. I am no success story. However, I feel better about myself. I encourage you to find it within yourself to value who you are by appreciating what you have no matter how little it may be. I am not rich. I am not smart. I am not beautiful. But, I am happy because I see things from a positive light and this has changed my world dramatically. We are all valuable and worth it- this includes you and me. I hope this helps. Happy New Year!

[twistypringle98]

I know that it might be hard to change your life when people draw you down and make you think that your a loser (I'm just guessing that is why you say these things like you have low self esteem and stuff like that. I don't actually think you are a loser.) I try to do stuff to help myself when I have no courage to even step outside like plan to volunteer which is boring but I want to volunteer somewhere I can enjoy myself.

I also like to use the internet sometimes to pick out some things that are what social workers do. I mind train myself like in the way that someone has said already. It's an odd process and even I don't understand what happens. I realize that it's not even meditation which is what I was trying to do but I ended up being "trained" to be a robot lol. Not in the way that they don't have emotions but I was just so good at my job after that. I'm not even joking.