So, I recently reached out to people on social media to ask them for help, since I'm in a predicament where I fell behind on my rent and face eviction.

Only 1 of 5 cousins I reached out to, responded that they would help with a small donation. The other 4 have remained totally silent, and instead spoke to my sister behind my back, because my sister called me to criticize me for asking them for help, acting as their spokeswoman.

If they don't want to help me, fine. I shouldn't expect them to show me the respect of at least responding to my plea for help and decline helping me with a reason why, but foolishly, that's what I assumed would happen. I wasn't expecting them to give me the silent treatment.

So today, I reached out again to ask them why they felt the need to talk to my sister about my predicament rather than me. I know that won't elicit the response I hope for -- where they apologize for not responding and give me a legitimate reason for their radio silence -- but I felt I had to stand up for myself.

It's very hard to reach out to people to ask for help. You open yourself up to a spectrum of responses from people, based on their perception of you in relation to their lives; criticism, judgement, shame, compassion, kindness.

But I felt that I had no choice in my predicament, than to reach out to family I only stay connected to via social media.

A friend I haven't seen in 20 years who lives in another country sent me a small donation, which showed me that she has compassion.

But yet my cousins who live in another state a few hours away, don't have the decency to even respond to me and talk to my sister instead? That's just seems to detached, so petty, to me. Who does that?! Why do they want to stay in touch with me on social media, if they won't even help me out when I reach out to them asking for help?

Does anyone relate to my situation? Where you have to ask people for help and some of them reject you outright, without any explanation? Leaving you hanging for answers?

[hvert]

I would be hurt if I was rejected with no explanation, even more so by what your cousins did, going to your sister

Originally Posted by hvert

I would be hurt if I was rejected with no explanation, even more so by what your cousins did, going to your sister

Thanks. Yes, my feelings were very hurt. THen I found out what they really think of me, so I guess that is the silver lining, when I finally sent them a message to ask why the silence?

Only 3 of them responded; one called me a "mooch" and insisted this would not be the last time that I asked family to help me financially; the other two listed reasons why they didn't want to help me, but offered to look at my resume (um, seriously??).

These are the same cousins who wouldn't help their aunt when she broke her leg, who is a widow and who needed help with her disabled daughter. These same cousins ignored their aunt's request for help and acted indignant to her when she asked them. Same as me, with the exception of the 1 cousin who lectured me while also offering me the $20.

Maybe I had no business asking people for financial help in their eyes, but my other options were not available to me (bank loan, county assistance, etc.,).

In the past I was friends with a woman who just couldn't catch a break; she was always in some kind of predicament and I always helped her out of it. Not because I felt sorry for her, but because I genuinely liked her as a friend and wanted to help her out. She eventually climbed out of her financial hole and is now very successful.

I don't know why there is such shame attached to asking people for help. I felt a little embarrassed at first, but then realized that I had every right to reach out to people to ask for help. Because, that's what you're supposed to do when you need help: seek help from others. My plan is to repay the few people who did help me out once I get back on my feet financially, as a gesture of thanks. That's the least I can do.