Gaining self esteem

mountainstream · Apr 09, 2019, 04:11 PM

Thank you for sharing.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Anonymous57363

Tips for Building Self-Esteem

That's an article with strategies.

Here's my own personal method of building or maintaining my self-esteem:

*tell myself every day that my worth is intrinsic no matter what happens
*write down 3 things I like about myself every night and read them first thing in the morning before I get out of bed
*write down 5 things I'm grateful for every day
*daily guided meditation on good thoughts and good energy
*go on adventures (big or small)...push beyond my comfort zone
*when I think terrible things about myself, I remind myself that these are only thoughts, I do not have to believe them. Remember that I remain a valuable and powerful being in the Universe.
*do kind things for others just because
*spend time with positive people who value themselves
*limit or avoid time with negative, hateful people
*take time to remember any nice thing anyone ever said or did for me
*indulge my inner child (safely) just because, e.g splash in a puddle, do a silly dance, sing out loud, buy a goofy item just because it makes me smile etc

Fuzzybear · Apr 16, 2019, 11:08 PM

Hugs and kindness to all in this thread from me

Buffy01 · May 07, 2019, 07:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mountainstream

Thank you for sharing.

It is awesome advice!

Buffy01 · May 07, 2019, 07:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Buffy01

It is awesome advice!

Thank you

Buffy01 · May 07, 2019, 07:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

Hugs and kindness to all in this thread from me

Thank you!

Buffy01 · Jan 26, 2020, 01:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Memories of Silence

There are some good ideas in this thread, so I will try those.

Others I can think of:

☆ Remember nice things people have said about you. If you have heard the same things about yourself by more than one person, it is likely that it is how you come across and that’s other people see it as well, and it is true rather than something they have told you just to make you feel better.

☆ Think of people who are widely hated, such as murderers or other criminals. Remind yourself that anything you do “wrong” won’t be anywhere near as bad as what they did.

☆ Try to get better at your hobbies and interests and improve as much as you can on at least one thing.

☆ When you are around strangers, ask yourself if you notice their flaws and if you’re judging them. You should find that you’re not paying them any (or much) attention, and that you’re seeing them as a whole picture instead of in the small details you view yourself with. You’re not noticing if their hair is messy, if they’re wearing odd earrings, if they lost a button from their shirt or if they have a big nose. Why would people notice these types of things about you?

☆ Start a folder on your computer (or email news articles to yourself) about people who do rude or disrespectful things. Celebrities can be helpful with this, as their actions are always making the news. Maybe a prince didn’t apologise for a car accident or a singer copied someone else’s work. If you are a member of a Facebook group where people complain about businesses or people’s behaviour, that will also be helpful. Remind yourself you’re not like these people, and therefore, no one has a reason to be annoyed with you and strangers have no reason to dislike you for your actions.

☆ Try to learn more social skills. YouTube can help with this. There may be unwritten social rules and expectations you were never aware of because no one thought you teach them to you or you forgot them.

☆ Be open and try new things, even if you think you might not like them. Even just by trying a different movie or music genre, you’re possibly going to expand your interests which will help to make you a more interesting person.

☆ Always wear clothes you like. If you like what you’re wearing, you’ll feel better about yourself.

☆ Always get dressed, make sure your hair is nice and your nails are groomed/manicured. If you are a woman, wear makeup everyday, even when you don’t leave the house. You’ll never have self esteem if you’re in your pyjamas with no makeup and dirty, frizzy hair. You’ll feel much better if you put effort into your appearance, which you’re doing for you.

That is great advice. I will keep that in mind. Thank you for reminding me.

Buffy01 · Jan 26, 2020, 01:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AspiringAuthor

Buffy, you need to read other books, too - not just self-help books. You need to read fiction books, biographies and autobiographies. There are several reasons for that:

1) You may be viewing reading books on self-esteem as "work" as opposed to "pleasure", so you are not allowing yourself to experience pleasure, and that only hurts your self-esteem, without helping it

2) Reading a true story allows you to experience a challenge and a path of growth and learning through the mind of a protagonist, which is a very powerful and enriching experience. Self-help books do not put you through the grind of overcoming challenges and facing lost hopes together with the protagonist - they do not allow you the kind of soul growth that actual literature fosters.

3) The more you read good books, the better you become at conversation, esp. written, and that would lead to more friendships.

I myself had a many year period of not being able to read books - for entirely different reasons, but still. This is the book that pulled me out of it and I highly recommend it for you:

Amazon.com: The Fault in Our Stars (8601402233168): John Green: Books

I will check that out.

Jan 28, 2020, 06:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sarahsweets

Try not to judge yourself by your mistakes.

This is so hard for me and I think worth the effort as well! TY sarahsweets.

Fuzzybear · Jan 29, 2020, 08:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Memories of Silence

There are some good ideas in this thread, so I will try those.

Others I can think of:

☆ Remember nice things people have said about you. If you have heard the same things about yourself by more than one person, it is likely that it is how you come across and that’s other people see it as well, and it is true rather than something they have told you just to make you feel better.

☆ Think of people who are widely hated, such as murderers or other criminals. Remind yourself that anything you do “wrong” won’t be anywhere near as bad as what they did.

☆ Try to get better at your hobbies and interests and improve as much as you can on at least one thing.

☆ When you are around strangers, ask yourself if you notice their flaws and if you’re judging them. You should find that you’re not paying them any (or much) attention, and that you’re seeing them as a whole picture instead of in the small details you view yourself with. You’re not noticing if their hair is messy, if they’re wearing odd earrings, if they lost a button from their shirt or if they have a big nose. Why would people notice these types of things about you?

☆ Start a folder on your computer (or email news articles to yourself) about people who do rude or disrespectful things. Celebrities can be helpful with this, as their actions are always making the news. Maybe a prince didn’t apologise for a car accident or a singer copied someone else’s work. If you are a member of a Facebook group where people complain about businesses or people’s behaviour, that will also be helpful. Remind yourself you’re not like these people, and therefore, no one has a reason to be annoyed with you and strangers have no reason to dislike you for your actions.

☆ Try to learn more social skills. YouTube can help with this. There may be unwritten social rules and expectations you were never aware of because no one thought you teach them to you or you forgot them.

☆ Be open and try new things, even if you think you might not like them. Even just by trying a different movie or music genre, you’re possibly going to expand your interests which will help to make you a more interesting person.

☆ Always wear clothes you like. If you like what you’re wearing, you’ll feel better about yourself.

☆ Always get dressed, make sure your hair is nice and your nails are groomed/manicured. If you are a woman, wear makeup everyday, even when you don’t leave the house. You’ll never have self esteem if you’re in your pyjamas with no makeup and dirty, frizzy hair. You’ll feel much better if you put effort into your appearance, which you’re doing for you.

Good post. I also agree with ''don't judge self re mistakes'' - sometimes they are how we learn.

Manicured claws...

Fuzzybear · Jan 29, 2020, 09:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Anonymous57363

Tips for Building Self-Esteem

That's an article with strategies.

Here's my own personal method of building or maintaining my self-esteem:

*tell myself every day that my worth is intrinsic no matter what happens
*write down 3 things I like about myself every night and read them first thing in the morning before I get out of bed
*write down 5 things I'm grateful for every day
*daily guided meditation on good thoughts and good energy
*go on adventures (big or small)...push beyond my comfort zone
*when I think terrible things about myself, I remind myself that these are only thoughts, I do not have to believe them. Remember that I remain a valuable and powerful being in the Universe.
*do kind things for others just because
*spend time with positive people who value themselves
*limit or avoid time with negative, hateful people
*take time to remember any nice thing anyone ever said or did for me
*indulge my inner child (safely) just because, e.g splash in a puddle, do a silly dance, sing out loud, buy a goofy item just because it makes me smile etc

Buffy01 · Jan 31, 2020, 08:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by daz1056

There is no single way to do this, it's different for everyone, one common theme though is it takes time, it won't happen over night. Small steps is what it takes.

You said you've read alot of books and watched youtube videos. did you actually do any of the exercises you learned about. Most informational material of this type has exercises in them.

If you did the exercises, did you really do them, I mean give them a real shot not just tried them once or twice. As I said above it takes time, lots of time and you need to give any self-esteem building exercise time work, months of repetitive action at least not just a one off, half hearted attempt.

There is probably no advice I can give you that you haven't already read about, it's up to you to take what you've learned and run with it. Good luck.

I'm using self help video to find self help books. I have one audio book I am working on those tools.

Buffy01 · Jan 31, 2020, 08:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by WovenGalaxy

This is so hard for me and I think worth the effort as well! TY sarahsweets.

I understand!

Buffy01 · Jan 31, 2020, 08:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

Good post. I also agree with ''don't judge self re mistakes'' - sometimes they are how we learn.

Manicured claws...

That is great advice!

Buffy01 · Jan 31, 2020, 09:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

That great advice!

DarrenPH · Feb 15, 2020, 01:51 PM

Hi Buffy01,

Unfortunately there is no one size fits all for raising self-esteem. I once had very low self-esteem, I hated myself and couldn't understand how anyone could like me.

I, like you, read lots of books but the books don't work by passively reading them. It take a lot of effort, you will need to do alot of work, and do it consistently for a long time.

The main contributor to me inceeasing my self-esteem was purposefully putting myself in situations that felt uncomfortable and then looking for all of the positives that came out of each.

I started small and worked my way up to what was first me a life changing moment. I did a parachute jump from 3200 feet. A parachute jump, not a tandum skydive, a parachute jump where you have to jump out on your own is easily accessible but take a huge amount of courage.

You could book one tomorrow, After the first jump I felt like if I could do that I could do anything. I became the benchmark for many things I thought I couldn't do. I used to ask myself, "is this harder than jumping from a plane" the answer was always No. As I'd already jumped.from a plane I could do whatever was in front of me.

I'm not saying jump out of a plane but I am saying have a think about something you could do to really push you out of you comfort zone and go do it. Then find something else and do that. Rinse and repeat until you've reached the level of self-esteem you're happy with.

Buffy01 · Feb 19, 2020, 02:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DarrenPH

Hi Buffy01,

Unfortunately there is no one size fits all for raising self-esteem. I once had very low self-esteem, I hated myself and couldn't understand how anyone could like me.

I, like you, read lots of books but the books don't work by passively reading them. It take a lot of effort, you will need to do alot of work, and do it consistently for a long time.

The main contributor to me inceeasing my self-esteem was purposefully putting myself in situations that felt uncomfortable and then looking for all of the positives that came out of each.

I started small and worked my way up to what was first me a life changing moment. I did a parachute jump from 3200 feet. A parachute jump, not a tandum skydive, a parachute jump where you have to jump out on your own is easily accessible but take a huge amount of courage.

You could book one tomorrow, After the first jump I felt like if I could do that I could do anything. I became the benchmark for many things I thought I couldn't do. I used to ask myself, "is this harder than jumping from a plane" the answer was always No. As I'd already jumped.from a plane I could do whatever was in front of me.

I'm not saying jump out of a plane but I am saying have a think about something you could do to really push you out of you comfort zone and go do it. Then find something else and do that. Rinse and repeat until you've reached the level of self-esteem you're happy with.

Thank you. I will keep that in mind

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