My Self-Esteem...?

I've seen that most of these posts concern low self-esteem and ways to increase self-esteem. I really don't have that issue. I actually truly love who I am.

I wasn't always that way. As a child, my classmates would constantly make fun of me. I suspect now that I had some kind of real issues with my brain. I was socially inept although very empathetic, and my coordination was lacking up until fourth grade. Thankfully my family was very supportive of me. I've grown up in a very nice home. They helped me deal with the other kids and sort out my off-and-on depression that I've had for as long as I can remember.

In sixth grade, I could feel myself slipping. I gained a lot of weight and my body image was very poor. I was already insecure because I developed early, and after gaining 20 pounds on my small frame, my body image was in the toilet.

A year and a half ago (freshman year of high school), I decided to lose weight. I shed a good many pounds and finally had enough confidence to take off the oversized hoodie that I wore daily for two years.

The past two years, I've seen a great improvement in my dealings with my peers. I understand people a lot more. I have more friends.

But I think the moment that made me realize I really have gotten over my self-esteem issues was just the other day. I have hated my face for as long as I can remember. I haven't gone a day without makeup in maybe four years. A while back, I came to find myself attractive with the makeup, but as I was rushed into the car the other day, I saw myself in the mirror and I didn't think I was ugly without it.

Throughout the years, I have never questioned my intelligence, my grades in school, or anything of the sort.

I'm still trying to lose weight, still wearing the makeup daily, and still have a few friend problems, but overall I'm very proud of who I am. I'm even proud of my issues and flaws. They give me chances to change myself for the better, whether it is fixing a problem or simply changing my perspective.

But there's an external problem.

No one else seems to find this self-esteem healthy. No one applauds my confidence. People tend to assume this is a facade. I have a friend who thinks that I'm hiding a buttload of issues and she wants to talk about them with me. Some people can't believe I'm truly proud of myself. 15 is an age when a girl should be questioning herself, and I am, but the typical questions most girls my age face? I've got them answered.

I'm getting frustrated. Why is it so hard to believe that someone in the world is actually happy with who they are?

Congrats, magasanguis...

_I_ applaud your confidence!!
_I_ do not find it hard to believe someone such as you is happy with themselves....

May I ask what you want to do with your life? Because I have a feeling you will go far..........

Thanks so much Junerain! It's nice to know that someone believes me and think this confidence is as good as I do.

...To answer your question, I'm not sure what I want to do. I don't know what college I want to get into or what for. Friends and family have recommeded music as either a major or a profession, and my mother seems to think I'd be a good candidate for psychology.

Whatever I end up doing, I can only hope that being open to lots of different things doesn't stunt me.

From elementary school to middleschool was a rough road. Made fun of for no good reason. Yeh that can ravage your self-esteem! It did for the longest time. Now nothing can break my self esteem.