Struggling with self-acceptance

When I interact with folks, I notice that I look for positive qualities in the other person and either

a) compare myself negatively.
For context, I used to work with a woman who's now at a different job. She recently married and bought a house, too. All in about 6 months.

I was envious. But... I also bought a house earlier this year. I also got recently married in 2022.

I think I perceive the "threat" to be that I just don't trust her. She's nice to me, always wants to get together (all we do is go out to eat). She's bought me gifts.

She's beautiful, slim, smart, kind. People say I'm those things too, but I think she's better. I think she's almost perfect.

Or b) regret what I didn't do.
For instance, my eldest niece is 14, turning 15 soon.
She's spunky, cool, outspoken, confident, beautiful, smart, and a joy in my life. Lately, I've been thinking about who I am compared to her. I was never like that in high school, but indefinitely wanted to be somewhat like that. Perhaps in some ways, I wish I could be like that or could have been.

Aside from those two points, I can't accept myself some days because I've made too many mistakes. And hurt so many people along the way. It's like I can't do anything right. I'm overwhelmed by the smallest things, and I think there's something wrong with my brain that makes me act so carelessly, selfishly, and stupidly in my personal life.

In psychotherapy, my clinician and I work through ways that I can reframe how I think about myself so that I can feel more empowered. But I keep reverting back to the same "compare & despair".

I wonder if it's because when I quit FB and Instagram suddenly 4.5 years ago
.. I didn't realize I was so addicted. Perhaps I'm still feeling the fallout and withdrawal symptoms .

I don't feel good enough in certain contexts basically.

I know it can be hard to receive feedback on this, so bear with me.

Especially feedback in terms of reading a book and suddenly you'll be cured of this or something.

That said, have you ever read "Learned Optimism" by Martin Seligman?

I read it and worked through it with my therapist probably five years ago and it really helped me to distill down what negative perceptions I had of others or of myself compared to others, and it helped kind of reduce the pessimistic beliefs I had/have about the world and about myself.

I'm of course not saying it's a cure or an end-all-be-all form of working through these issues. But it did help me.

I also should note that I am nowhere near perfect in this matter nor will I ever be, unless I keep working at it, which I am, so I will.

And no one's ever perfect, so perhaps that prior remark was a bit unrealistic. But I'll try to get closer.

I can definitely identify with feelings of inadequacy.

Then again, sometimes I look back at some of the reports and studies I've written at work and I'm very impressed by what I was able to do. That's especially true when I don't remember that I was the one who wrote them!

Even reading my blog I get a sense of how slick and clever I was.

These negative thoughts are remnants of your childhood, when people were unduly critical of you, a child. Now, when they come to mind, you can say to yourself "There you are again--untrustworthy voices from the past." These voices have never given an accurate assessment of you, and they don't now.