My last psychiatrist said I have a problem asserting my needs. Does anyone else have a hard time asking for things you want or need?

I find i tend to feel bad when I ask for something, like i shouldn't need it in the first place to require asking. I bet its a self esteem thing but Im not sure.

Anyone else have a problem asking for what they need/want?

[myoasis89]

I definately can relate to what you are saying. I find it difficult to tell people that I am in need so I get what I need on my own. to some people I seem like an independant person but really I'm too scared to ask for help. I feel guilty or I feel like I am annoying the person by asking for too much. For example: I wanted to have higher grades in highschool, I wasn't able to ask my teacher for help because h was very intimidating, so I got his attention by riting him an email about how he hurts my feelings, and then finally he was able to get down to why I had really written the email. It was because I admired him and wanted him to help me in his class.

All I can advise is that in the workplace you make aquaitances wih staff members so it's not too hard to ask them things

at school make friends you trust so it is easy to askthem for help.

just be confident in yourself

It's kinda hard to describe what to do but I hope this helps or at least makes you feel better

[PlanningtoLive]

I feel like I'm bothering people when I ask for things I need. Like it's too much of an imposition, or I'm not that important.

It probably is self-esteem/self-worth.

Mary Alice

[RozG]

I totally have a problem asserting my needs unless i'm angry, but then when i appear angry i'm actually hurt and just don't know any other way to show it.

But yes, as a rule, i have a problem asserting my needs coz i don't think i'm worth it.

[thelostone]

i will actually do without instead of asking. i feel like i am begging. when i was still working i had no trouble at work. i was the boss, i told people what needed done ad it got done, of course at home i would always end up getting something the kids needed instead of me. since i no longer work and don't have ANY money of my own i just do without most of the time.

lost

[SpottedOwl]

I have a difficult time not only asking for what I need, but even figuring out *what* I need it at times.

Somehow it seems too simple to just say it is just an issue of low self-esteem. As I've been working on this, I think it has more to do with being trained that attending to my own needs would not bring desirable results.

The best antidote I have found is self-love, and self-compassion. I imagine how I would view a child asking for what they needed. If I would respond positively to a child, why not myself? Once I can recognize my personal response of guilt is out of sync with my own sense of how I would respond to a child, I know it is bad programming.

It is a process of awareness, and also forgiveness of myself for not caring for my needs. Just like a child, I am doing the very best that I know how -- and each feeling of guilt or worry is an opportunity to release and forgive.

I find it all too easy to get caught up in judging myself for 'not asking for what I need', so I've found the forgiveness is key.

[Junerain]

Yes I tend to be chameleon like, and ask all about the other person, attending to THEIR needs.........I feel like, embarrased to speak up for myself..........

[Lenny]

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SpottedOwl said:
but even figuring out *what* I need it at times.

The best antidote I have found is self-love, and self-compassion.

I find it all too easy to get caught up in judging myself for 'not asking for what I need', so I've found the forgiveness is key.


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What a wonderfull post SpottedOwl. Very insightfull IMO.

Asking for directions without knowing where you want to go only keeps you lost,,so your first point is perfect.

Self Love and Self Compassion come from personal suffering and letting go. Finally,,,in seeking how to help others keeps one out of self. Self esteme is often built in the buidling of the esteme of others...The Love paradox...we are loved by loving others without expectation.

And forgiveness...well it is probably the greatest gift found anywhere...it is so hard to ask for anything when we feel guilty for the last thing we got...

Thanks for a great post..

IMHO.

Lenny

[purplebutterfly]

I have issues with asking for help when im depressed/angry/self-injury. i am suppose to ask but i always feel so bad asking for help when others are not feeling well themeselves- i guess in a way i feel that i am weak for asking for help

I'm like you Roz ....

like now i just want a hug and i go all round the houses and write poems and just daren't ask ....... cos i dont think i'm worth it either ... Lenny says love doesn't need worthiness so is it the same for a hug

i'm just so sstupid and i'm sorry for taking uop this space in this thread

jinny going to hide

[Lenny]

Get out from behind the couch jinny...LOL

Here's that hug

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((JINNY))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Lenny

[Rapunzel]

Asking is scary. You take the risk that someone might say no, and if you aren't sure you have enough self-esteem to take that, it's hard.

I apparently sabotage myself in order to eliminate risks like that, in order to preserve what little self-esteem I have left.

[Fuzzybear]