[muffi]

i have been having this issue since i questioned if i was abused by my dad. i started having evil smiles when i thought about it. like it was a lie like another person in me enjoyed hurting him or lying to me. anyway things have gotten to the point now where i make things happen that might cause harm, get pleasure from other peoples pain. i havent hurt anyone but have been wanting to here about my friends cancer getting worse, like i want it too. my counselor just said it was just a dwelling on the dark side over response to me feeling bad about myself she is not listening to me this is a real part of myself thats mean, its only been around for 3 years or so i am 32 what is it, why is it mean.

thanks muffi

I've been like this since I was a kid. Probably some weird reaction to cope in some way.

[chaotic13]

Kaika,
I often feel like there is a evil sadistic creature inside of me. That somehow part of me liked the abuse. I remember my Dad spanking me as a small child. My father (not my abuser) had angry outburst and would occasionally get violent but he always felt guilty after hit me or my brother. I remember he would occasionally use his belt. The thing is... He would stop as soon as we started to REALLY cry and showed remorse. I remember on several occasions I refused to cry or show remorse. Obviously, I knew this would get me several more painful blows, BUT it would also give me GREAT satisfaction to see my Dad fatigued and guilt riddened afterwards. I think it was my way of saying...you better think twice before hitting me again.

[Sannah]

I would suggest trying to understand that part of yourself better. Healing comes with self understanding..........