Remembering things from childhood

I was talking to my sister this morning, and told her that I didn't remember ever having Mom just rub my back or go into our room at night and sit and talk to us. I see my grandson at 18 hug his Mom and he hugs us, no matter who is around. I watched my sisters' 23 year old son come home from work and lay on the couch where my sister was sitting with his head in her lap. She rubbed his head and patted him. Mom never did that with me. Then my sister told me that after I had quit school at 16 and pregnant, that Mom started hugging her and talking to her more. I think she felt quilty for taking me from Ohio to Utah and dumping me there to have a preemie baby that no one helped me with. I had just turned 17 and had a 4 1/2 pound baby that I took very good care of. No wonder my Mom felt quilty!! I am 55 years old and things still keep coming into my mind that I have to ask questions about. I think my question surprised my sister this morning, but she understood me. My father wouldn't even talk to me about the situation and they just sent me out there to be married among strangers. No wonder I am such a mess sometimes. Things keep working their way to the top. At least I can talk here.

My goodness CJR that is a lot to have happen! And I have a feeling that is the tip of the iceberg.

I am glad you are now examining these things that have troubled you.

This was courageous for you to post. I'm in awe you raised a preemie after such difficult care yourself. You have lived quite the life I would bet and I am sure you have a lot to take pride in.

Thank you for sharing this here.

CJR, I was touched by your recalling your sister's kids being comfortable getting affection from their mom as well as your own parenting. I was really neglected and I feel like that was worse for me then the abuse. To even know how a kind touch felt! I agree that you are brave. I am glad you are here and posted.

You're so fortunate that your sister talked to you about your childhood. My two sisters won't even consider that things weren't perfect. You've come a long way and I hope that you'll continue to remember things and come here to discuss them, if you feel like it.....xoxo pat

(((((((((((((((((((CJR))))))))))))))))))

CJR:

I have to agree with Wisewoman. I was in much the same situation as a child and I think it's wonderful that your children, your grandchild and your neices/nephews are comfortable showing affection to you and your sis. That's what I dream of for my children, and already we've done something for our children that wasn't done for us.

We showed them nurturing and love and support. You did a great job. Thanks for sharing this, as I can relate to it and it has touched on some emotions that I, myself, have been trying to work through.

Many blessings,
Kimberly.

Dear CJR520, Not a day passes, that I don't think of childhood: sexual abuses, loneliness, wondering why I was abandoned. Since, reuniting with birth family, all my stuff seems minor. Most of my siblings had it worse than I. At least my adoptive folks were good people! The abuse came from outsiders. Sorry, 4 the hurting memories that won't stop bugging U! But U have lots of company!!!

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}}} ......you are not alone NOT AT ALL....Your pain is real and at least your giving it a VOICE now.......That is what my T keeps telling me to do too.
I am proud of you CJR520 that your doing the same thing....KEEP TALKING your doing great, that is all part of the healing process is talking, talking and more talking!!! and we are ALL here to listen.
take care