[Kiya]

i dunno where this goes - here? ptsd? (like they aren't connected). but i ate meat tonight and haven't in ages. am finding more that when i eat meat, i can barely keep it in my mouth. and it starts a panic. i finally (for the first time) let myself not finish my meat, even though i was having dinner with mom. I just knew that if i forced that on me even one last bite, i would be ill physically as well as mentally. I was so close to a flashback. Here i am trying to reclame the past, but i run from it when it presents it self. I seem to forget how presenting it self is so disgustingly painful and horrific.

[Foomph]

Well, I definitely think there is a time and place to confront the past, especially if it involves flashbacks. In your t's office is perfect; at dinner with your mom, probably not. I think you did the right thing by not allowing the flashback to happen at that time. But if you can, hang onto that thought and bring it up in therapy. There you'll be safe to let it happen and therapeutic to experience it.

I dunno, but last week I had a panic attack at work because all this unconscious crap that came forward (or so my t said when I told him afterwards) and I would not want to go through that again, ever. Not at work. In t or in my own home, I could handle it, I think, but as I said before, experiencing something like this in a suitable place and time can be good. But when it's not a good time, if you can control it, I think you should.

Does this make sense? Does it even help?

[Kiya]

Heh - thanks. "Does this make sense?" yes =) I have had things like this come up before... I tell t. T says "What do you think that was about?" I say "I dunno". and that's the end of it *grin*. I HATE looking at this stuff... like you said - you'd never ever want to experience it again ever, no matter where. I think that is where I am at. But, it helped some to just mention it here and .... get it out i guess. thanks for reading.

[skeksi]

I think you handled it well, Kiya. I hate to deal with trauma stuff anywhere but my T's office or alone in the privacy of my home. When I get triggered in my daily life, I either voluntarily suppress what's going on, or I space out and forget what's going on. We've got to take care of ourselves, and sometimes that means not facing a memory at that particular moment. You did good.

[Pomegranate]

you'd never ever want to experience it again ever, no matter where. I think that is where I am at. But, it helped some to just mention it here and .... get it out i guess. thanks for reading.

Well Kiya, I think what you said summed it all up best. Where you are at is where you are at. And maybe cuz you felt a bit better after posting here, maybe that's showing you are ready to open up just a little some place safe, like what was already suggested here, with your T or at home.

You sound like you are doing a good job taking care of yourself and keeping yourself safe. That's good!

[Kiya]

Skeksi, Pomegranate - thanks. I think it always surprises me how i can be going along, doing better, doing worse, doing better and WHAM something comes in that pulls the rug. I do the same forgetting thing - i went and ate them for leftovers tonight *sigh*. this time even the topping effected me. I think i'm done with food.

[Typo]

((((((((((((((Kiyacat)))))))))))))

I don't know what to say, and I don't have any advice, just wanted to say I'm here for you and I love you sis

Love
Lilfish aka Sparrow

[Kiya]

((((((((((((((((((Silversparrow)))))))))))))))))))))))))))
thanks sis!!! means a lot to me! I just hope I can do as much for you
Kiya