Links to Online Articles

Elysium had a good idea about posting a sticky thread for links to articles regarding abuse.

Here is her link to an article describing covert sexual abuse.

http://ezinearticles.com/?Sexual-Abu...orms&id=382309

Please folks, be aware that some of the information may be quite triggering, so please enter and read with self care in mind.

If anyone else would like to post links that you found helpful and would like to share them with the community, please feel free to do so.


sabby

Sabby,

Thank you for posting this sticky for us.

To everyone else....I know this is not something anyone really enjoys reading, or talking about. I do hope it can help survivors of abuse to validate their experiences and provide a place were people with questions can come to learn.

Take care all....

for those in abusive relationships... this is a very eye opening read too... scroll down.. and explore the whole site.. it changed my world
http://samvak.tripod.com/abuse.html

Thank you, Sabby and Elysium, for posting this article....
but I am confused by part of it....

TRIGGER WARNING



One of the examples of subtle or 'covert' SA is:

How can you possibly know if the "seemingly innocuous touching" had sexual overtones or meaning for the other person? Especially if it is 30 years after the fact? But even during the touching.....how do you really know the thoughts and intent of another person?

Thanks to anyone who can help with an answer,
kt

You can't. None of this is black and white, or rarely is. One of the biggest hurdles in this stuff is discovering that you have to decide for yourself based on evidence... both concrete and circumstantial. You have to find your truth and then believe in it.. it's not easy.

you can't know what is in someone's mind.. MY T said that if you hit me you may not be intending to hurt me but if you do hit me the chances are that you probably are trying to hurt me. Something in it made a lot of sense.. we feel the energy of those around us, anger, sexual, everything... we sort of sense things. There is an awkwardness that most children will pick up on.. that somethnig isn't right. Small kids wouldn't even know some things are wrong.. but there is soemthing in it that makes them feel it is wrong somehow.

dont know if this helps

TY Little Rhino........
it helps.

WOW. Thank you for posting that.

TRIGGER WARNING

"In his seminal essay, "Understanding the Batterer in Visitation and Custody Disputes", Lundy Bancroft sums up the asymmetry in favor of the offender: "Batterers ... adopt the role of a hurt, sensitive man who doesn't understand how things got so bad and just wants to work it all out 'for the good of the children.' He may cry ... and use language that demonstrates considerable insight into his own feelings. He is likely to be skilled at explaining how other people have turned the victim against him, and how she is denying him access to the children as a form of revenge ... He commonly accuses her of having mental health problems, and may state that her family and friends agree with him ... that she is hysterical and that she is promiscuous. The abuser tends to be comfortable lying, having years of practice, and so can sound believable when making baseless statements. The abuser benefits ... when professionals believe that they can "just tell" who is lying and who is telling the truth, and so fail to adequately investigate.
Because of the effects of trauma, the victim of battering will often seem hostile, disjointed, and agitated, while the abuser appears friendly, articulate, and calm. Evaluators are thus tempted to conclude that the victim is the source of the problems in the relationship."

I cannot even begin to say how completely accurate this statement is concerning what my ex is doing to me AND his other child's mother.

Both of you you have had a good idea to gather the links here so they could be also find easily and maybe also checked and/or searched for their relevance:

http://www.vachss.com/help_text/index.html

On the above site - that I think it's one of the best on the topic, I have read a lot about abuse. There, I read also an article about an organization that was supposed to help the abused ones but that actually did the contrary...

Here is another link that I found on a recent posted thread; I think it's a good one too:

http://forums.psychcentral.com/showp...23&postcount=1

I just wanted to add this. It's not an article, it's a manual you can download for free.. reading through it, it is very helpful.

http://www.ascasupport.org/manual.php

Elysium, thank you for suggesting the idea of posting links for articles about abuse, and
sabby, thank you for posting that link about covert sexual abuse.

T Recommended Resource !!!

The Emotional Incest Syndrome: What to do When a Parent's Love Rules Your Life (Paperback) Dr. Patricia Love

http://www.amazon.com/Emotional-Ince...9112706&sr=1-1

This site has several quotes from Secret Survivors: Uncovering Incest and Its After Effects in Women by E. Sue Blume. I actually rented this book on my own time and though I was triggered by it and so couldn't get through the whole thing, there were several descriptions by her that I loved. Definitely a worthwhile read, if you can handle it. Makes a lot of great points that I (and my best friend/story twin) could really identify with.

is there anything for abuse by a counselor? we arent sure if this is the right place to ask or get help with in this forum but we are definitely experiencing it

I will see if I can find something re: abuse by a counselor that we can post.

I'm sorry that you are experiencing this with your T. This is such a painful thing, as our Ts are supposed to be looking out for our best interests.

Something I would like to remind you of...

Abuse is abuse, regardless of whether it's coming from a parent, a sibling, a neighbor or other relative, but especially a therapist. Therapists have a legal and moral obligation to do no harm.

If you need someone to talk with, you can share here in the abuse forum if your comfortable and possibly in the Psychotherapy forum, but if you need to share intense things, you will want to use the trigger icon...or just stay here in this forum.

If you need or want to talk privately, feel free to PM me anytime.

thank you so very,very much elysium for responding so quickly. this abuse has been going on and off for close to 4 years now and it hasnt been until just recently we realized how bad it was and although it is absolutely not sexual in nature at all it is abuse nonetheless. maybe we can pm you part of our experience and see what you think tomorrow? tonight we are still overly distraught and teetering on the edge to say anymore. thanks so much again you have no idea how much this means

http://www.kalimunro.com/article_survivor_memories.html

This explains HOW we can trust what we FEEL happened to us.

here is a FORUM for abuse survivors. It took me many google searches to find it.

http://www.fortrefuge.com/forum/index.php

I just found out about a survivors' empowerment, healing and public education organization started by Mariska Hargitay, who plays Detective Olivia Benson on the TV show Law & Order: Special Victims Unit. It is called The Joyful Heart Foundation (click the name to follow the link to their homepage). I think it's well worth adding this one to your bookmarks!

There is an article on the effects of sexual abuse by a priest: Forgive and Forget? America Magazine, September 16, 2002. It identifies all the areas affected including religious faith, which is often overlooked when people talk about the issue of abusive religious leaders.

Just found an excellent slideshow covering the warning signs of abusive relationships: http://www.healthcentral.com/schizop...ds-and-family/

This really struck a nerve when I read that my jaw dropped and heart raced

Thank you so much for this, I really needed something like this. Thank you, you have no idea how much this is helping me. Thank you!

Trigger,Trigger, Trigger

http://www.counselingcenter.illinois.edu/?page_id=170

Trigger(?)

Not sure if it's been posted before, but this article on 'Healing Shame' was really interesting and enlightening (for me).

http://www.psychsight.com/ar-shame.html

A link to other articles by this same author, there is one on abuse. ^
http://www.psychsight.com/article.html

Just found this:

http://www.survivormanual.com/

This is an aggregator type site for resources related to recovery. I found a ton of useful information on here on self-care, including a great article about dealing with holidays at home.