[Joanofarc]

Once I thought I had a proper father, a man who cared about me and who loved me and who looked after us all. Then he abused me at six years old. I lost my father on that day. I lost the dream that I thought was him.

My parents split up when I was 12. My younger brother and I started to fight and argue. He never has anything to do with me now apart from xmas when he might invite me over through my mum for an xmas lunch. Thing is he sees my father much more frequently. He will pick up the phone and ring my dad and arrange to go out with him. My dad isn't treated like a second class citizen, I am.

I told my brother during yet another row in my early twenties that my dad had abused me on several occasions.

Whatever I said during those rows and arguments could never be anything as bad as what my dad did to me. As far as I remember it was usually my brother that started the arguments, shouting at me and treating me like I was inhuman, my mother always sided with him.

I now just have my mother. My brother doesn't bother with me despite trying to make it up to him over the years.

Life is so unfair eh?

Yes, life is basically unfair. My therapist would say now that he and I agree about the unfairness of life, how may we move on to the more important consideration of what I need to do to get better.

[phoenix47baby]

Yes, it isn't fair, but you can turn this around and give love to your children or other children who aren't treated right. I have a brother who carries on a relationship with the father who molested me. It angers the heck out of me, but I seem to lose interest as each year goes on. Brothers who take this stance are acting out of self-preservation for their memories of their idols.

[KDlady]

I know when I told I was being abused, the people who were supposed to protect me and believe me didn't (mother, aunts and uncles and even police). Or didn't care or didn't think it was that bad - or thought that since the abusers were paying our bills - the price I paid was worth it.
I have at least as much anger issues involving those people as I do with the abusers. And it's not fair but I have moved on to find a different "family" and I do ok without the biological family I once had. And I can never allow those people to possibily hurt my children so that helps keep the contact with them very limited. And sometimes I long for the family I didn't have but the reality of the past keeps me grounded. And as far as forgivness - it is for us - to help us move on - not for the perpertrators - so as I let go of the hurt and pain - I move towards forgiveness but that does not include having these people back in my life.
you stay strong! I think it is okay to let the people who treat you badly go- cut them out of your life and yes it hurts - but you are NOT responsible for their abuse - and why let it continue? even and especially when it is family members.

[SUNNY2009]

KDLady

I never told.... for fear of the outcome ....
I read Joanofarc story and pheonix47 and yours....
oh the fear .... the hurt i fear for me ....
the hurt i fear for them....
I am now 40 and struggling with telling...
it scares the hell out of me....
I can relate to all of it except I have not told, but my fears are of what you describe..
Fear still of telling...
but
Longing to do so because I am told that is how you become free ...
Freedom .... something we all long for .... but sounds like it hurts ...almost as much as the abuse....
how to live without your brothers....? I dont know how to do this....

This is the hardest part I think....

And it's not fair but I have moved on to find a different "family" and I do ok without the biological family I once had. And I can never allow those people to possibily hurt my children so that helps keep the contact with them very limited. And sometimes I long for the family I didn't have but the reality of the past keeps me grounded. And as far as forgivness - it is for us - to help us move on - not for the perpertrators - so as I let go of the hurt and pain - I move towards forgiveness but that does not include having these people back in my life.
you stay strong! I think it is okay to let the people who treat you badly go- cut them out of your life and yes it hurts - but you are NOT responsible for their abuse - and why let it continue? even and especially when it is family members

Joanofarc..... I hope that you can find some middle ground with your brother.... but if not it is not on you .... He needs to be more understanding and compassionate to what hell you went through at 6 yrs old..... maybe send him some info on the effects of Childhood sexual abuse .... maybe he needs to be educated as to how messed up a person can be from suffering such terrible deeds..... If you need to talk ever please dont hesitate.... I hope you have a better day today and can find happy thoughts that that bring you peace....