[del12]

My father has verbally and emotionally abused me my entire life. Even as an adult he continues to criticize and make fun of me in front of my family. There are times he is so angry that I get the feeling he just wants to shake me. I am now in therapy and learning to deal with the low self-esteem issues caused by his abuse. A few weeks ago at a family gathering he became angry and as usual chose me to be the target of his anger even though his anger was because of a sibling. During his fit of anger primarily yelling at me and putting me down he came towards me in an aggressive way and grabbed me. He didn't have time to go any further because I pulled away and left. My question is what is the possibility that he could turn this verbal abuse into physical abuse? Should I worry about that when I am around him? I know as kids he hit some of my siblings but has never really hit me. I remember times where he was ready to slap me but has stopped himself. I am a grown adult and have been out of the home for a long time, but that fear is still there. I am wondering if I should remove myself from having any contact with him. Confused as to what to do.

[Sannah]

I don't know what to tell you, hopefully others will come with some feedback, but I just wanted to say that I am sorry that you have to be exposed to that. It must have been very frightening as a child . He has major problems...........

[reg12]

Sorry to hear of your problem with your dad. There is that chance that he might not be able to stop himself. He will always look at you as his child, so that may be why he would treat another adult like that. I always believe in facing things that bother me otherwise they control me. Maybe you could call him or use email/mail and tell him of your concern. That would allow both of you some distance. I would suggest not attacking or accusing, but ask how to work this out. Always keep in mind he is your father and deserves respect for that only. If you stop contact with him, it is impossible to get back the lost time. You turn to show him how to be the grown up.

[Catherine2]

Originally Posted by del12

My father has verbally and emotionally abused me my entire life. Even as an adult he continues to criticize and make fun of me in front of my family. There are times he is so angry that I get the feeling he just wants to shake me. I am now in therapy and learning to deal with the low self-esteem issues caused by his abuse. A few weeks ago at a family gathering he became angry and as usual chose me to be the target of his anger even though his anger was because of a sibling. During his fit of anger primarily yelling at me and putting me down he came towards me in an aggressive way and grabbed me. He didn't have time to go any further because I pulled away and left. My question is what is the possibility that he could turn this verbal abuse into physical abuse? Should I worry about that when I am around him? I know as kids he hit some of my siblings but has never really hit me. I remember times where he was ready to slap me but has stopped himself. I am a grown adult and have been out of the home for a long time, but that fear is still there. I am wondering if I should remove myself from having any contact with him. Confused as to what to do.

del12, hi

It's a difficult situation you are in right now, and any decision you make will be initially hard on you. There is no easy solution, jmo.

Try not to be confused about taking action to protect yourself. If this requires not having contact with him for awhile then do it.
Being a grown adult and not living in the same house with him gives you the opportunity to step away until you get a better hold on your conflicting emotions.
Please address this with your therapist if you have not already done so. del12.

Questioning his actions is a sign that your your self esteem is growing, and you want to protect it. Recognizing that you are unfairly the target of his anger is a huge step for you to have taken...

You have the power to take yourself out of a situation that is causing fear of physical abuse...added to the mental and verbal abuse. His actions seem to be escalating, why wait and find out the hard way that your fears are justified?

You have to put yourself first, protect yourself...you are worth it.

In Peace

[multipixie9]

Catherine said it really well . You can protect yourself, you do not have to "let" him treat you badly any more. Get help from your therapist and it will help.

I had to put limits of time spent with my mother because she was so destructive to my emotional well-being. Do what is best for yourself now since you are grown. He can't or won't so you must. I wish you all the best.

Leslie

[del12]

Thanks Multipixie! I love your kitty picture

[multipixie9]

Del, I really love the kitty picture too, it is my ideal of trusting peace and sleeping without fear. It is so cool to see cats sleep, they almost look boneless they are so limp and unafraid. Someday I want another kitty.

I hope your week is starting out well. Hugs from us if you feel like it.

Pixies who love kitties