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#1
Sep 25, 2009, 03:48 PM
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I had an epiphany today.
I can't control my past, but I can control how I let my past affect me. My past is exactly that, my past, I can't be hurt anymore, I am diffrent, I am older, stronger, in a diffrent place. I'm no longer a child. It feels odd and alien to think that way, but I do, I'm feeling a bit free from this epiphany, like I"m shaking off the shackles I've been wearing. I still have a lot to work thru, a lot to accept and a lot to conquer, but I can live and breath and enjoy this day knowing my past doesn't hold me anymore, I won't let it... |
 Catherine2, FooZe, lynn P., multipixie9, Sannah
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#2
Sep 25, 2009, 03:55 PM
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That's wonderful news - I agree if you let the past affect you, then the abusers will always control you and your future will be shadowed by your past. Best of luck.
__________________
 This is our little cutie Bella  *Practice on-line safety. *Cheaters - collecting jar of hearts. *Make your mess, your message. *"Be the change you want to see" (Gandhi) |
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#3
Sep 25, 2009, 04:02 PM
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When we can see and appreciate this simple truth it is incredibly liberating. Please share with us how you reach this epiphany today.
Celebrate...and enjoy this knowledge. It will help you remember that you've been here when people try to pull you back into the darkness. |
| lynn P.
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#4
Sep 26, 2009, 12:34 PM
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I woke up that morning feeling pretty well, and in the last few weeks I've been doing a lot of self care, working on saying no to people doing what I need to do.
I woke up that morning got up, took a shower, cleaned, started on some of my laundary, and when my mom left for work and the house was all empty, for once, I wasn't scared to be by myself, I did some studying, I actually wanted to cook, In the middle of studying, I stopped and realized I was taking care of myself for once, that I hadn't even thought about being home alone, or even critizied myself for doing self care. It was in that moment I realized I was freeing myself from the shadow of my past, that I wasn't letting the hateful thoughts that my abuser planted in me control my behavior, that I wasn't thinking badly of myself, I was doing things I need to do, or that made me feel good and were healthy for me without feeling guilt or disgust towards myself for doing them. It was in that moment, I realized I stepped a bit out of the shadow of my abuse, that I wasn't letting it control me and from here on out I was going to do my best for it not to.. ((((((((((((((((Everyone))))))))))))))))))))))) |
| Catherine2, chaotic13, FooZe, pachyderm, Ratanddragon
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#5
Sep 26, 2009, 01:19 PM
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__________________
This is our little cutie Bella *Practice on-line safety. *Cheaters - collecting jar of hearts. *Make your mess, your message. *"Be the change you want to see" (Gandhi) |
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#6
Sep 26, 2009, 04:47 PM
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Such very, very good news!!!
__________________
Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........ I'm an ISFJ |
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#7
Sep 27, 2009, 08:13 PM
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Nice.... experiencing silience and realizing its not so bad.
__________________
"Joy is your sole's knowledge that if you don't get the promotion, keep the relationship, or buy the house, it's because you weren't meant to.You're meant to have something better, something richer, something deeper, Something More." (Sara Ban Breathnach) |
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#8
Sep 28, 2009, 02:30 PM
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I'm really happy for you, Silversparrow. This is VERY important and healing. I was listening to my tv while I wrote in pc.com. I watched a show where a man who trains dogs did a special on those horrid puppy mills. This man understands how dogs minds work and he showed that even though these puppys were held in bad conditions and no proper socialization they can change. He showed us that the puppies live in the moment and therefore they can be helped to become happy, relaxed little guys. A woman who was involved had an epiphany too: She realized that she was not as effective at helping as she would like to be because the pain and suffering she saw these poor breeder dogs go through dragged her energy down. She decided to stop obsessing on that and focus on helping the ones they rescued and staying in the now.(not that she stopped caring about the breeders)
Many people have told me to "get over it". I finally told them I would get over my past when it quit biting me in the butt!!!!!!!!!!! Those people's words often hurt deeply and gave me just one more thing to feel bad over. However, I feel the words from that show differently from judgmental people in my life. It seems that if animals can change after that much trauma then I have hope to change more than ever. I am NOT equating puppies with people and saying there's little difference. NO! But, I am saying that IMHO if God can make animals so resilient then people too have someplace inside able to heal and COME BACK from horrible stuff. I'm getting that urge to delete coming on so I'm gonna just leave it alone - though I don't feel I explained it myself or anyone else. Something sparked inside of me that says I CAN HEAL FROM TRAUMA. IT IS NOT MY LIFE AND IT'S NOT GONNA BE WRITTEN ON MY TOMBSTONE!!! It's never too late for things to improve!
__________________
 HEALING HAPPENS
Last edited by multipixie9; Sep 28, 2009 at 02:37 PM. Reason: typos of course |
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This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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