[embracinglife]

I was raped about 4 years ago, when I was 17 years old. Luckily I have been going to counselor's since then. For the first year I didn't even know that it was necessarily rape/sexual assault. Now I know intellectually that it was, but I still feel regret and guilt about it, like I may have done something to cause it to happen. For the first few years I was still having lots of flashbacks and reexperiencing it over and over again. Now I don't really have that so much, but I still think I have lots of damage from it.

After it happened, my self-esteem got really low, and I started having casual sex with other guys, because it was what I thought I was good for, and would make me feel better, but of course it made me feel worse. So now, I'm trying not to do that, not drinking anymore either, and I'm trying to deal with the feelings, but I still feel so numb to it all.

I really want to have an authentic relationship with other people, especially a guy, but it is so hard to do. I feel afraid to be in close relationships, or to let other people get to know me very well. It's hard that I feel like a lot of people don't know me well, but at the same time, I'm scared to get close to anyone. I don't know what to do about this. How do I slowly start to trust people more, and trust men more too?

I am not qualified to suggest an answer to your question. So sorry this happened to you and I hope you soon find the peace and trust you seek. Good luck.

[phoenix47baby]

I am sorry you have gone through this. It definitely was not your fault. As far as trusting people, you may have to get to know someone really well before you are able to ease up on the trust and let them in. It is probably safer to do so with a girlfriend/s. You certainly don't owe anyone an explanation as to what happened to you unless you want to share. Good going with the counselor. Hopefully he/she is guiding you in the right direction. Stay safe and sending lots of safe hugs...