[googley]

I'm having trust issues with my T. (for full details feel free to go to the PT forum and read the post entitled 'Why did T do that. . .') While it seems like one could say that it is a small thing that in the grand scheme of things does not really matter. (She wanted to keep something I'd written after promising to give it back.) But It really hurt. I realized that I feel like I'm continually trying to reach out to trust people and getting hurt in the process. After this thing with T I realized that I feel broken inside. I want to return to when I was a kid and knew that there was no one to trust. I knew that the world was not safe and so I had to keep everything inside to keep from getting hurt by the very people I was supposed to be able to trust. I want my armor back. That armor that took years to build up. I feel like the same thing has played itself out with my T. I reached out to trust her by sharing what I had written and I got hurt. I feel stupid for even trying, but at the same time I feel like it is all my fault.

I realized that my conceptualization for trust seems for me to be a crystal sculpture of some sort. That it has these thin legs that hold up the different levels. Maybe this is only my conceptualization of Trust with T, I don't know. But I feel like it is broken. I feel like it has come crumbling down as if someone went after it with a baseball bat. And right now I don't know if it can be repaired. I don't know if I want it to be repaired. I feel like it just gets knocked down again. And it isn't something that gets built back stronger. It is something that has been having to be propped up, and now it is just too fragile. It hurts. And I don't know if I can keep feeling the pain over and over again.

If it can't be repaired, and/or I don't want it repaired what is the point of trying or caring?

Please consider copying your post and giving it to your therapist. You hired the therapist. The therapist works for you. She has your property. Alarmingly, she reneged on a promise she made to you.

If you should so choose, you might offer to have the original copied for YOUR file.

Good luck.

[BrokenNBeautiful]

so sorry.

You should be able to trust this woman and she betrayed that trust.

I feel your pain.

Billi

[Sannah]

Googley, you will grow by working through this with your T. I am sorry that healing and growth can be painful..........

[WePow]

((( Googley )))) we understand this. We have trouble trusting too. And it takes a lot of work to have us build that trust up. Then something like not being heard when you clearly stated something - well that breaks down the trust.