[BrokenNBeautiful]

Billi here.

I just had a spring break last week.

I had to deal with a lot of abuse issues again, faint flashbacks adn feeling memories from my aunt's inappropriate boundaries.

I want to make love iwth Dane so badly, I really do.

But every time we come close to s*x, I clam up again.

this morning, we cuddled and I had some erotic feelings and wanted him badly, but a body memory crept in and I had to stop.

I began to pray, as my combination of erotic feelings and anxiety overtook me.

"G*d, help me do the right thing..." To have s*x or not to have s*x...

and a feeling of calm and peace came over me, physical and emotional and I began to relax.

The erotic feelings faded and the anxiety faded.

I began my familiar litany, "My cure is spiritual, my cure is spiritual..." over and over again.

Then I was able to get out of bed.

And log on to work.

Billi