I don't know if I can do this...

My adult sister is hearing impaired and still lives with our parents. They beat her on a regular basis. Like, they'll hit her, throw things at her, slam her up against a wall. They've also thrown her against a window and broke it before. They frequently tell her that she's worthless and useless and will amount to nothing in life. Only recently have I become brave enough to talk to anyone about this, and outside of my family there are only 2 other people who know about any of this that I've told at least. It's hard for her to get any help because my parents deny everything, and we live in Small Town America where everyone knows everyone, and my parents are well liked. Nobody knows about the horrible secrets hidden in their house.

It's very hard for me to admit that my parents were possibly abusive. I mean, they're my parents, and they love their children, right? I sometimes think that I'm making everything up that has happened over the years. It didn't just stop with her either, although she certainly took the brunt of the abuse. I once had my hand broken because I used it as a shield against a blow to my head by my father's fist. I later told people that it was an accident with a hammer (even to this day I tell that as the story of why my hand aches in weather changes). I can recall many occasions of being hit- and not just the typical "slap on the butt" with a paddle, but actual malicious hitting. There was also the belittling, the threats, the blows to self esteem, and the controlling.

The hard part is, I'm now an adult and I'm ready to start my own life. I have a degree, a full time job, and I live away from them. I don't know what to do about my sister. I don't want to talk to them because I'm so disgusted by what they're doing. The whole situation has me feeling guilty and heartbroken and I don't know what to do. I know I need to get my sister help, but I have no idea how or where. I also think I probably need to get myself help, because I don't want all this coming between my husband and I.

Do any of you have help/advice?

Hi Carbon12,
welcome to PC. I'm so sorry you suffered abuse and your sister is still under their threat. How old is your sister? You could report their abuse to childrens services. If she's of legal age, would it be possible for her to live with you or report them and she could be moved to a home for the disabled? Due to her disability, she's more closed off than the normal person and may live there long into adulthood. You're doing the right thing coming out in the open about this and the next brave step is doing something.

Hello, carbon12. My thought is for you to call the county attorney, explain what is going on and ask him/her what can be done to help your sister.

My sister is no longer a child, so she's not protected under those laws. My state is one of the few that doesn't really have clear protection for disabled adults- there are laws against elderly abuse and child abuse, but if you're somewhere in between, too bad for you!

What I have been through is nothing compared to what they've done to her, and what they're still doing to her. A couple of more details to clarify some things-

I live 2 states away from them, so she would have to find a new job and such, and where I live, the economy isn't the greatest for the skills she has. I'm scared to call a county official- a close relative holds a prominent political office in the county where they life, so I'm not sure if anything would be done about it. I'm also scared to do something for fear that they will hurt her more for telling someone what's going on, or for fear that I will be cut off from my family (not financially, but essentailly kicked out of the family so to speak) for speaking out against what's going on.

I thank you all for the support and help.

Adult protective services covers all adults.

hope you find some help.

Just want to say I am so sorry.

Esp. when laws don't help.

Hang in there.

Billi

I am so sorry you are having to go through this. I am sorry to hear your sister is having to go through this. There are several things you can do. You can be there for your sister emotionally even though she is far away. You can send an anon note to adult protective services in your state over the internet. You can do what Byz suggested and know they can't betray your confidence. Or call a domestic violence hotline and talk to them. They should be pretty helpful. I hope you will take action and get back to us to give us an update.

That is probably your best option. You can remain anonymous although if you can provide names of anybody else who has witnessed it that would help their investigation.

Hi carbon12, I'm very sorry for all that you and your sister are going through. I think consulting a domestic abuse hotline, or contacting adult protective services are great suggestions. I would also like to suggest you speak to an attorney. You could speak to one in your own state, you wouldn't necessarily need to speak to one there. If you can afford to hire one, great! If not, most cities do have some free or low cost legal services, often attached to law schools, where you could speak to someone. They would be able to research laws in the state where your sister lives, and advise you on how to proceed.
I know you are worried you will make things worse for your sister, but the only way her situation is going to change is if you or she take action. I hope you will be brave enough to do so! I wish you all the best in this. Thank you for sharing with us.

Carbon 12 - I am sorry for what you are going through. I don't have anything constructive to add and all the suggestions everyone wrote sound great! I hope this is resolved quickly for you and your sister. It can be hard sometimes to do the right thing. Growing up I witnessed my brother being abused with physical violence. You are doing the right thing by getting involved. Keep us posted.

Thank you to all of you. I am working to get myself to the next step in this process- actually taking action. All of your words truly are helpful. It really does make a difference to have support in this, because sometimes I feel very isolated in the whole process. I will keep you updated on what my next steps are. Thank you all again! I feel lucky to have stumbled upon this site.

Thank you for sharing. I too feel the same way about this site.