[Yoshi]

I have been abused my whole life, pyhsically and mentally..mostlly by my dad and past bf's.

My dad has always told me, that if a man does not abuse a women when shes in the wrong, she will not learn, and become a retarded bi*ch.

He had me believing this ever since I was 7, but now that ive grown up, I know that his "saying" is not true at all.

I'm so scared to open up to anyone, even friends, even the ones I love.

I cant help but feel that i'm going to be abused my whole life, Note: that I know this is not true, I just feel that way.

I'm terrifed of men, but I do not show it.

There's only one man I can trust, That I could tell anything, and he will always be there for me. I seriouslly trust him so much its unbelieveable, And I know he will never hurt me, and i'm not afraid of him hurting me, it feels great.

But in the back of my mind i'm scared that it will happen again ;[
I'm always scared doing/saying something wrong.
I'm scared to say no to something I dont want to do.
I'm scared of loosing people because of this.

And this is not just towards my dad or relationships, but to all men, even close friends.

I know I will get over this fear, but it will take some time.

There's so much more I could tell, but afraid to tell.

[Sannah]

Hi Rainbowz, are you in therapy?

[Yoshi]

Nah, I would'nt be able to afford that. Plus I really dont want a T. =/

[Sannah]

There is government supported therapy. Many here get therapy this way. Why don't you want a T? Almost everyone has a T here.

[Yoshi]

I just dont believe in getting a T if that makes sence. I rather not have one, I just dont like it. I know it helps many,many,many people, but it's just not for me.

I'm perfectlly fine with expressing how I feel on here, and it makes me feel alot better when I do.