[granite1]

at least once a week i drive bye the house i grew up in as i go to therapy.it is now abandoned and overgrown and slowley falling appart.i think about my room a lot.as a punishment the mother use to put me in my room for days at a time.when i was younger the door use to have a hook and eye lock on the outside.as i got older i just knew enough not to come out or i would get beat and brought back to the room.in some ways it was isolating but in a lot of ways it became a safe place for me when i was older.as a young child i have flashes of me crying histerically and banging on the door and turning the door knob.screaming for the mother or my brother depending if it was morning.i remember i use to wet my pants.the mother wouldnt let me out to go to the bathroom.i would get punished more for that.i remember the mother comming through the door and throwing me on the bedgrabbing off my pants and underwear and forcing diapers on me telling me how i'm acting like a baby i need to be treated like one etc...i think the diiapers were just her way of being able to keep me in the room longer i remember being obsessed with having to go to the bathroom in huge panics.i dont have a lot of memories of this when i was young it is more like flashes so i know it happened and the mother confermed some of it.i remember she would lock me in it every night so i couldnt get out.i remember my brother use to use his desk chair and a cowboy gun to hit the lock to unlock it in the morning so i could get out and when i was being punished he would do the same thing to bring me food that the mother sent.the mother would never come to the room unless i was in more trouble.for wetting my pants or something.or crying and i wouldnt shut up.
as this was a very common thing for the mother to do i must say children are resilant,and can learn.week days were awsome i got to come out to go to school as i was older.if you pee change your cloths they were in the closet and droors.hide others.i had an amazing fantasy world in my head that could keep me intertained for days.i had created so many friends in my head i really didnt need any one to talk to at school.i hated talking to other kids i just didnt do it i hated them.they did nothing for me.but i tell you the world in my head was amazing.i find it mind baffeling how a child can create such a thing but i was really great at it.that held me for many years.at least through 8th grade.but thats another story.other things that i learned.a dark room can be scary but if you sit on the floor and look out the window at the strrelights when you cant sleep it can be pecefull.i hated the summers when i had to be in my room and sit at my window and watch the family swim and have fun but i had also learned i could sneak out to go to the bathroom durring these times.i remember the drawings on the windowsills and my walls.i remember playing with my dolls.i use to be afraid of the closet i thought i saw dead people who hung themselfs in it but even if i screamed for the mother she would never come and if she did it wasnt a great outcome.i think it was harder when i was younger but got easier as i got older.i can remember a lot more about my room but this is all i want to say for now.it is amazing how kids adapt.

[Hunny]

((((( Granite1 ))))))

May I just commend you on your amazing mind. I'm not exactly sure what drew me to the title of your post except to say I had a couple of room experiences myself. i won't compare one way or the other but suffice to say I come along side you on the scary closet and the longing to be outside.

You are right about resilience. You are too right. How great that you had an alie at times in your brother.

You said this woman confirmed some of this abuse to you? I'm hoping she got her due dear granite.

Are you physically away from her?

safety, caring, concern and much freedom to you.

.

[Gr3tta]

granite1, thank you so much for sharing this!!

"my room" - just the words bring up so many conflicting emotions.

Sometimes it was the very safest place to be, and sometimes the most dangerous.

We hated to visit the home, where the mother still lives, until recently when it has been so remodeled it is almost unrecognisable. Now it is somewhat tolerable to be there.

One thing that still remains the same, on a wall in my room, the spot in the wood where the lines and whorls resemble deer and squirrels. We created a whole magical world on that wall that we often lived in.

How wonderful that your mind was able to create a safe and entertaining world for you to visit when you were in your room. ~ Emma & Julia

[granite1]

Originally Posted by Hunny

((((( Granite1 ))))))

May I just commend you on your amazing mind. I'm not exactly sure what drew me to the title of your post except to say I had a couple of room experiences myself. i won't compare one way or the other but suffice to say I come along side you on the scary closet and the longing to be outside.

You are right about resilience. You are too right. How great that you had an alie at times in your brother.

You said this woman confirmed some of this abuse to you? I'm hoping she got her due dear granite.

Are you physically away from her?

safety, caring, concern and much freedom to you.

.

yes i am away from her and thanks for your responce i would love to hear your story if you would care to share it

[granite1]

Originally Posted by Gr3tta

granite1, thank you so much for sharing this!!

"my room" - just the words bring up so many conflicting emotions.

Sometimes it was the very safest place to be, and sometimes the most dangerous.

We hated to visit the home, where the mother still lives, until recently when it has been so remodeled it is almost unrecognisable. Now it is somewhat tolerable to be there.

One thing that still remains the same, on a wall in my room, the spot in the wood where the lines and whorls resemble deer and squirrels. We created a whole magical world on that wall that we often lived in.

How wonderful that your mind was able to create a safe and entertaining world for you to visit when you were in your room. ~ Emma & Julia

i remember drawing of people on my windowsills and a big drawing of a body next to my door that i listed a lot of body parts misspellings and all.yes my room was a place of great horror and safety at the same time

[50guy]

My house of horrors burned to the ground. I was around 30 years old when that happened and it was a wonderful site to see. My cousin burned it to the ground....it was where his Father abused him and where his older brother sexually abused me for nearly 4 years. My only wish at the tiem is that both abusers had been in it when it went up in flames now. Both of those freaks are dead and my cousin overdosed himself (suicide), about 10 years ago. A really sad ending to his torment.

[granite1]

Originally Posted by 50guy

My house of horrors burned to the ground. I was around 30 years old when that happened and it was a wonderful site to see. My cousin burned it to the ground....it was where his Father abused him and where his older brother sexually abused me for nearly 4 years. My only wish at the tiem is that both abusers had been in it when it went up in flames now. Both of those freaks are dead and my cousin overdosed himself (suicide), about 10 years ago. A really sad ending to his torment.

I'm watching as my house slowly rots to the ground

[Gr3tta]

I am very sad to hear about your cousin's passing. You have my sincere sympathies for that.
I was, however, very happy to hear the house burned. There is a house in my past that burned to the ground, and oh what happy flames they were!
~Emma

Originally Posted by 50guy

My house of horrors burned to the ground. I was around 30 years old when that happened and it was a wonderful site to see. My cousin burned it to the ground....it was where his Father abused him and where his older brother sexually abused me for nearly 4 years. My only wish at the tiem is that both abusers had been in it when it went up in flames now. Both of those freaks are dead and my cousin overdosed himself (suicide), about 10 years ago. A really sad ending to his torment.

[Sannah]

(((((((((((((((Granite))))))))))

[Matt51501977]

I understand what your anger and hatred feels like. It's hard for me to think about my past.

[50guy]

Welcome Matt;
It is always hard to think about the past........but when you can discuss it, even here in an anonymous way, it is a great relief and then you can really move on. You will never forget it but, you can grow, accept and be angry without harming yourself or others.