[dustintochampagne]

hello.

i wanted to just write a question and see if anyone else out there has any input they'd be willing to offer to share, whether on this thread or privately.

i am quite aware of the fact that there is a lot of controversy regarding repressed memories. i think a lot of it may stem from people thinking that therapists have possibly planted the notion in the client's head. that's just a guess. either way, there is controversy, i know. but what i am most interested in is seeing if anyone has had any personal experience of repressing memories of abuse in their life, only for things to start unraveling years later? perhaps there was a trigger, and that's when things started maybe coming back?

without many details for now i feel as though this has been kind of happening to me for a while now. i don't want it to be true, who would, right? this is true, i suppose. but i do have to be logical as well and see that there are quite a few signs that i've probably purposefully ignored or blocked out over the years.

anyway, just curious. i welcome any and all input and thank you for reading this.

I have had some memories come back to me in therapy.

For me, it felt almost like...hearing a song I'd heard a long time ago and forgotten about. Like, I knew all of the words and the tune, even though i hadn't heard it in years.

In my case, some of the things I remembered just filled in the gaps between other things that I've had continual memories of.

It's hard.

[Gus1234U]

one of my teachers said: as long as the past is with you, it is the present. i never forgot that,, deal with things present, when they are gone, stop.

[AngelDreams]

I wish I knew...over 20 yrs....and I can remember very little of my childhood.

New therapist I've been seeing for about 4 months now...just dipped into that last appt...and I was a bawling mess, because I just don't talk much about it.

When I do, the feelings are so overwhelming...I don't know if ever that cabinet door in my brain will ever allow it to be opened. One therapist years ago told me, our brains won't allow huge traumas to open quickly, or ever?

I dunno, hard for me to even type this or ready any of these threads, so this is a good start for me.

[dustintochampagne]

thank you everyone so far for their feedback. i appreciate it greatly. i have just been feeling kind of alone with all of this and it helps to know that while obviously people as individuals do experience things differently, that perhaps there are some underlying similarities that can show that i am not alone. tonight i am hoping for courage on wherever my journey takes me on my path towards healing, as well as anyone else struggling right now.

[Nupoet64]

Imyour, there is contraversy....but that is another story.
Yes, I have many repressedmemories. They began to surface when three events happened very close together....1) my mother passed away , 2) my step son molested my grand daughter, in my house, & 3) My dad asked me to play with his....you know.
Everything started coming up, I started losing time like crazy adn I became so distraught that I could no longer work.
I believe in repressed memories. I know when it is amemory and when it is just a nightmare...I can feel it. And the flashbacks are memories.
Did that help any?

[dustintochampagne]

Originally Posted by Nupoet64

Imyour, there is contraversy....but that is another story.
Yes, I have many repressedmemories. They began to surface when three events happened very close together....1) my mother passed away , 2) my step son molested my grand daughter, in my house, & 3) My dad asked me to play with his....you know.
Everything started coming up, I started losing time like crazy adn I became so distraught that I could no longer work.
I believe in repressed memories. I know when it is amemory and when it is just a nightmare...I can feel it. And the flashbacks are memories.
Did that help any?

it did very much so, actually. i know exactly when all of this started, i mean i know what triggered it. then came nightmares, but i know what you mean about being able to differentiate between those and flashbacks (memories), which i have had a few of. i am so glad that i joined this board and that i posted this, it really does help to know i am not alone. thank you so much.

[Nupoet64]

(((((Imyourmonster)))))...Many safe hugs and gentle healing....

[reintegrate54]

Hi,
I have repressed memories re sexual abuse from my oldest brother. I remember the beginning, have one picture of his bookshelf and guitar, looking sideways, and the memory of telling my Mom and Dad, and the aftermath. I know it went on from at least fifth grade to eighth.
But that;s it. And a high school flashback of rape when sleeping over at my girlfriend's, I woke her in the night thrashing and hollering. I was on my back on a big stump.
Nothing more. Want to remember. Have had difficulties with sex my whole life. I guess I think remembering would be freeing. I don't know.
I think we know when it's happened to us, vs someone suggesting it. Just my feelings. Thank you for sharing.

[jazzy123456]

hey dustintochampange... i know a little about this...
ironically, for me, my memories did not come to the surface in therapy...
they were the actual reason I considered therapy in the first place.
One day, at school I was molested...when it happened, I remembered something
from my childhood...before that, I rarely, if ever thought about it, it felt like it happened to another person...not even me...but, that event made me remember.
the repressed memories were scary....but, I hope you push through what you are going through. just know, you are not alone.

[JustAPixie]

Hi dust...

I also had an experience with repressed memories, I think a large part of these memories that are being repressed when you were young is the fact that we couldn't really understand what was happening... It's kinda like the brain just stores it in a box for later and then forgets about it... until something brings it up again and then it is hard to imagine you couldn't remember it at a time... My cousin molested me when I was very young... and yet all of my life I remembered liking him very much and we did have a good relationship. He committed suicide when I was 12. It was only when I was much older and another incident which I don't want to discuss now, brought it up. It wasn't a switch that flicked for me, I just realized one day that I remembered.. can't say exactly when I started remembering... it's weird... Still don't remember all of it, though, but enough to know that my relationship with him was not healthy...

[phoenix7]

i was attacked four years ago - before that i didnt remember anyhtign form my childhood except on incident that i considered to be my fault as much as his .. mt T says otherwise.. after the atack i started having body memories and i remembered having them before - it was like putting a painful jigsaw together - each night a little more....

i dont know if what i remember is true - my T says why would you make that up? i dont know - i have few memories still.... they mainly come back at night just before sleep sets in when my guard is at its lowest i guess

you are not alone

[sujunew]

Originally Posted by phoenix7

i dont know if what i remember is true - my T says why would you make that up? i dont know - i have few memories still.... they mainly come back at night just before sleep sets in when my guard is at its lowest i guess

you are not alone

I understand this totally. I have always had a 'video' memory of a particular incident (innocent) but it had a part of it in the middle missing. The video began replaying in my mind more and more during a very stressful time, and I eventually brought it up with my t. We worked on it for months and months, and I began filling in the blanks, but I still don't know for sure if I have filled them in with true memories or with a scenario that COULD fit but is made-up out of my desperation to fill these blanks in.

Good luck in your journeys...