[anderson]

Have any of you endured something for so long that when the answer is there you can not see it or that those around you make you feel like you do not know the real answer because they would not take that route. I was reading our post here as well as our home journal. So needless to say we did know what we needed to do but because we were already so isolated we did not want to stop going to church. Like we said before we have stop going so many places because our DID/ MPD was used to make us feel unsafe by those that have hurt us in the past.
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What made it hit home was that we have been down. We were out of things and the young alters wanted comfort food that we ran out of so we went to the store. Heads up code names for the people that help us come to terms with this issue are:
Hoedog - a friend trying to get out of the dog house after listen to the p-doc from heck story line.
Crabs - a person that bought into the story line and uses it to her advantage. Just another dark soul.
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Crabs stopped us to talk and ask how thing were going. We told her that we were just waiting for funding then we can get our service dog. She seemed surprised and asked what kind of service dog we told her for our ptsd’s and other things.
About that time Hoedog shows up he could tell we did not feel comfortable talking with this person. He overheard us and asked if we were going to get a big dog. We told him yep a rotty. He said good as he to watched the crabs face go white. He ask why a rotty and we told him a rotty will protect us no matter who it is that is making us dissociate. To that the person left us alone.
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But that is one of the main reasons why we are so low we are so tired of being on guard. The ones that have protected us are cool when they are near us but when they are not. Now that we starting to tell when we are switching out of fear. The weight of all those times that we were hurt with out protection or having someone believe that we really did not want that person touching us. That was a heavy blow.
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We talked to others here that felt the same way that they felt trapped in their homes because they were afraid of being hurt again. Their home had become their prison. AT times we feel the same way but each time I remember looking at my body and seeing burses that looked like hand prints and my hips feeling dislocated again. My apartment is my prison and my haven for at least since we have been here I have not seen those marks again.
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But like the others here we to swing from needing to be able to be near people and being safe so opting to stay inside or keeping our trips out side short and staying as much in public view as possible. Finding peace in lesser of two evils suck. But if what we are being told is true and that we get social security and being approved for a service dog that we can train to our needs then we will have a freedom that we have not had since the early 90’s. It will give those within to find peace and stay grounded even if those that have hurt us comes near us. Now to truly be able to talk to the ones we trust and be able to shun those that have hurt us. Now that is real peace.
Thank you all for helping us. Even when we felt like we could not respond with positive things those here help us fine some peace.

[Sannah]