[anderson]

This morning as we sit by the window, I am thinking about the different things that we have endured and how others have treated us. At church this last week we overheard the few that still have issues with us even just attending the Sunday service. As we listened to them we remember the words of our Nana
( this woman we both loved and hated at time because she always made us look at the reasons why others did the things do.)
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When people can not let themselves see or understands how their actions are hurting another they will devalue that person so what they are doing can be justified in their own eyes.
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These few people that are saying and doing things that are causing others not to talk to us can not even see how they are not only hurting me but the church as well. The church laws says it is an open and confirm church. Every Sunday we hear the say “No matter who you are, No matter where you are in life’s journey you are welcome.” How can a person say that one minute yet if you do not mach the way we talk and act then you are not welcomed here. I am not the only one that has been treated like an outcast or a good Samaritan act. If you can call telling people to stay away from her she is mental ill but we just do not have the heart to send her away.
The truth is that if it was not for the few that walk their talk about being open. We would not even go there no more. But this church is the last place that we go to see the people that can accept us as we are.
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We told out T and pastor that when certain people came to church we could not even use the restroom out of fear of them being in the bathroom hallway. These people are the owns that have hurt us in the past. The talk that we overheard was that we are scared of old ladies with grey hair. I guess that rules me out to. I have gray hair and our son says that we look like a Dalmatian because we have dark spots mixed with white. One of the main gossips even walked pass us to test to see if we would panic if she came near us. We did not but this is only an example of the lies told to keep new people away from us.
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Do you remember how in biblical times that they had leaper colonies? The places that people were sent to if they had a skin disease. In today’s world they are outlawed but this life has taught me that when people can not legal outcast you they will publicly out cast you by any means that they have. Even by befriending the very people that have physically hurt us just so that they will come to place that was once a sanctuary for us.
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Have any of you ever watched the teen movie “Mean Girls” ? As we watched this movie it hit us that this click at church was so much like this group in the movie. In the movie the group had a book that they wrote about the other students and teachers at their school. At times I wonder if this group does the same thing. Do they take score on how they are able to destroy life’s whether it is based on the twisted truth or not. I look at LiesAlote and the other women that are in this group and I can match them to the girls in the movies. They may not look like them because they are all over 40 years old but just by their words and deeds they may as well be back in high school acting out the movie “Mean Girls”.
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Life for those that are different from the main society is never easy but it is even harder when the group that is picked out for genocide is the same group protected by law so they can not physically force them away but are not above using a person fears or lies to make their lifes heck.
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We always told our son that how you treat the weakest among you that is how you treat God and how you truly see your self. But those that refuse to see their true self’s have no problem treating other in a harmfull manner.
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As being a true Marine, Most people do not even know that part of their creed is to defend the weak and to protect them. Yes there are some men and women that choice to only speak this code with out acting out on them. These people put the uniform to shame.
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Bigotry is not only about the other person skin color or their social status it is all about hating that which is different and not allowing one self to see the truth about another person. This is the main reason hate crimes are so common in today’s world. Even within our own families because we have to teach a child to hate so he/she will know how to hate as an adult.
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Now that we have an apartment with locks and keys we are safe in here. Those within know that out side yes people can tell stories about us the majority not even true. But in here we can sit and watch the leaves change color. The children playing. All these things that are good in life for the first time in three years knowing that for now we are physically safe.
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We can now go online to chat with other people. Serf the web and make plans of hope. As we wait for a source of income that will help us provide for a service dog. So that we can feel safe in public again too. We may never be able to stop the black gossip but we do have a chance to at least enjoy the few people that accept us with the knowledge that those that have hurt us are not going to have as easy of a time to hurt us again.
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Thank you PC world for given us the support that we needed to get our life back.

[suzzie]

((((((anderson))))))

hope you get your service dog soon. wish that church would go better for you. maybe the "mean girls" there will grow up one day.

[Sannah]

Anderson, any chance that you can ignore these people? I think that it is a really good consequence for people like this. When their bad deeds get attention it elevates their status. Ignoring them puts them where they belong.

[anderson]

we are trying but the church was the last place in public that we could go and feel safe with a few people. we are just sad cause we do not know what to do. we have so few people that we can just sit and talk to that this last round hurt us alot. we know that all the times that we acted out to stop people from hurting us is what they are still using againts us. all those within are just feeling all the pain of things that have happened. We are in our apartment enjoying waching the world out side our window then we remember that we are not wanted in it then we start crying again. does that make sense?

[anderson]

I finely found out why those within do not want to go to the church no more after going there for over a year those that we talk to and enjoy their company still at times do not talk to us. This is only until we aknowledge them but it does hurt. The sad part it is these very people that are helping us get our service dog and keeping up with the requirements to keep this apartment. Those within are tired for when they do this it makes those within feel like we have to talk to those that have hurt us just to have someone to talk with.
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When we approach them they act out in surprise as if they can not believe that we remember who they are. So now I am wondering now that we took the lunge and talked with a therapist and the pastor if when we were talking about the people that we are afraid of. If they had made it all encompassing. To go for all. We know that we try our best not to talk to those that hurt us but what if those that have hurt us are making them believe that what we say goes for the good people too.
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If the few that we go to talk to and be with shun us like we shun those that have hurt us then we really have no reason to go there but to sit in a crowd and be more alone.\
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After all this time to have the few that we thought we could trust still act like they do not know us. They are hurting us just as much as the ones that have hurt us and come to church just to make us have panic attacks just to say I told you so.
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After all this time we choice to stay at this church because those that have hurt us ran us out of all the places that we use to go. We can not even go to stores or the library for long out of fear that we will see some one that has hurt us and that they may try to hurt us again. So when the few that we know and think we can trust act like they do not want to talk to us then those within get hurt and scared that they may not be there for us if one of those that hurt us come up to us.
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Does that make scenes? An animal does not care what others say but a human can be tricked sooner then a dog.
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Originally Posted by anderson

we are trying but the church was the last place in public that we could go and feel safe with a few people. we are just sad cause we do not know what to do. we have so few people that we can just sit and talk to that this last round hurt us alot. we know that all the times that we acted out to stop people from hurting us is what they are still using againts us. all those within are just feeling all the pain of things that have happened. We are in our apartment enjoying waching the world out side our window then we remember that we are not wanted in it then we start crying again. does that make sense?

[Sannah]

Anderson is there another church that you can go to? Have you discussed this with your therapist?