[Lillyleaf]

Hey,
Most of the time I cant believe I am abused. or that is it not my fault. What is emotional abuse? I know I am abused but I daont belive it. I believe that it is my fault most of the time. I believe that I am the problem... am i? How do I know... what even is emotional abuse. everyone says it doesnt matter is that true?

Thanks,

[Miracle1986]

I don't really know the "official" definition of emotional abuse, but I think it is basically when a person abuses another person mentally and emotionally by playing with their emotions. Like, if someone is being belittled (i.e. told they are worthless, being called names, being made like total crap)...

Let me just say.... it is NOT your fault! You are not the problem! No one deserves to be abused... ever... in any way!

[Rapunzel]

Emotional abuse and emotional neglect are real and they do matter. Abuse is when someone does something that causes harm to a child or a person who is vulnerable. Neglect is when someone who is responsible to take care of someone, nurture them, etc. does not give that person what they need for their development or well-being.

Emotional abuse would be hurting someone using words and emotions. That includes saying things that hurt, and emotional invalidation - refusing to accept and acknowledge that your emotions are what you feel - contradicting them, telling you that you are wrong or stupid, bad, selfish, etc. for feeling that way. You are allowed to feel however you feel, no matter what anyone says about it. The people who say that emotional abuse doesn't matter are invalidating the emotions of people who have been hurt by emotional abuse.

Children need to learn about emotions and experience them. All of us need caring relationships with someone who returns the caring. We need to be able to express and share emotions and feel safe when we do, especially with the people we care about. Children who aren't taught and encouraged and permitted to experience and learn about emotions, and who don't have emotions modeled adequately or appropriately by their caretakers are emotionally neglected. Children need love. We don't develop to our potential without it, and all areas of our lives are affected.

It is hard to get what we need as adults to heal the emotional wounds and fill in the emotional needs that were not met. It takes a relationship with someone who can provide some of what you didn't get from your parents.

In some ways, it is much harder to heal emotional wounds than physical ones. Nobody can see them. We were taught that it didn't matter, that we were to blame, and all of those things that were part of the abuse. Physical and sexual abuse do a different kind of damage. It can be easier to heal that damage than to heal the emotional wounds, because it is harder to deny that the damage is real. I think that a lot of people who were physically and/or sexually abused would agree that the emotional abuse they suffered along with the other abuse is what hurts the most and what is hardest to recover from.

Emotional abuse is real, and it matters, and it isn't your fault. Abuse is never the victim's fault, even though abusers try to make you think that it is.