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#1
Nov 11, 2010, 05:25 AM
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I'm embarrassed that I sent this to T. but, thanksgiving is coming up and i always get really emotional right before it.
Short Poem: Invisible Dinners I spoke to my youth pastor at church. She looked me in the eye and noticed how something unexplainable stole my worth. It was nothing strangers could see, only another memory of my cousin coming on to me...I cried on the bathroom floor...at church... trembling in the stall, beyond closed doors...I guess that's how its always been for me...I have a habit of hiding behind closed doors but, I guess that's my own choice. Ever since I can remember my cousin fell in love with me and I don't know what I did to spark his interest, cuz before I even understood what love was he was interested... particularly at Thanksgiving dinner. I will never forget it. Nothing absolutely terrible happened...I know this... except the feeling of being trapped, helpless, except the feeling of being 'degraded'&'betrayed'--since family is suppose to protect not intimidate... except the feeling of being caged in; the feeling that even though my family was around the corner, eating festively, no one would ever come for me. No one ever came for me. No one ever did and I don't know why? I barely understood why no one came in high-school but, this was supposed to be different, what happened to family? While they we're smiling, I was suffocating. It gave me an epiphany, that's actually what hurts the most, more then anything my cousin would ever say or do to me.
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---  A bird doesn't sing because it has all the answers, it sings because it has a song.Maya Angelou. so sing. Jazz, sing. --jazzy123456 ---------------------------- "You're not here merely to make a living. You are here to enable the world to live more amply, with greater vision, and with a finer spirit of hope and achievement. You are here to enrich the world. You impoverish yourself if you forget this errand." (Woodrow Wilson) 
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#2
Nov 11, 2010, 05:49 AM
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I'm sorry that this happened to you Jazzy. I do hope that you can eventually talk to your T about this.
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Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........ I'm an ISFJ |
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#3
Nov 11, 2010, 10:53 AM
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some families have a disfunctional attitude about the "pink elephant" in the room. they think it reflects badly on them so they choose to ignore the truth. it makes them upset so they deny it's happening. i'm not defending them-my family is the same way. but once i learned what it was that made them ignore my situation it helped me to understand. they are not capable of wanting to help.
if your cousin approaches you again verbally tell him to leave you alone!!! it's called ABUSIVE behavior. not acceptable! i'm so sorry you have the same type of situation. you are worthy of being treated better  but know that a healthy response may not come from your family.hope you will speak of this to your T.
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Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark, in the hopeless swamps of the approximate, the not-quite, the not-yet, the not-at-all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish, in lonely frustration for the life you deserved, but have never been able to reach. Check your road and the nature of your battle. The world you desired can be won. It exists, it is real, it is possible, it is yours..~Ayn Rand |
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#4
Nov 11, 2010, 02:43 PM
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i mean i sent it to her in an email. i didn't really consider talking about it when i got to a session. maybe i will ?/?and madisgram u make some very good points...and i am sorry you went through those tough circumstances as well. its never easy.
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--- A bird doesn't sing because it has all the answers, it sings because it has a song.Maya Angelou. so sing. Jazz, sing. --jazzy123456 ---------------------------- "You're not here merely to make a living. You are here to enable the world to live more amply, with greater vision, and with a finer spirit of hope and achievement. You are here to enrich the world. You impoverish yourself if you forget this errand." (Woodrow Wilson)
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 Sannah
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