[(JD)]

I've just returned from eating lunch at a favorite restaurant of mine.

Shortly after I arrived, a man and his wife hobbled in. They are quite elderly, and I suspect she has beginning Alzheimer's. After they seated, the man began to "walk" her through the menu, and had a very short temper. This attitude would calm a bit and then flare right back up. After a half hour of his back and forth, I noticed that all the patrons in the restaurant also noticed.

The man had begun to cuss her out and raise his voice in anger even more. I went out to the owner and suggested he could do a walk through and keep that table from becoming violent? It seemed surreal to him. I suggested he ask how the meal is etc, to help calm the situation some.

Well, he's a new owner and from another country (UK, AU ?) and all he did was walk directly to that table, ask if the guy needed help and then walked back. Well, it worked enough for the time I remained anyway. The next 5 minutes the guy was "discussing" why the man would come to the table and who was he??

I wanted so much to "rescue" that woman from that horrible abuse!
I wonder if I can make up some cards of outreach info to secretly slip any abused woman in a situation like that... or if that's beyond what I'm capable of, or responsible for... I'm surprised she hadn't poisoned the guy yet ( sorry, my bad.) He was UNBEARABLE! And if he acts that way in public, maybe he is physically violent to her at home?

If he hadn't calmed down after the owner visit, I would have done something more... maybe not personally gone to the table (though I have intervened in the past... "Hi, I couldn't help but overhear your conversation... or I just wanted to stop by and tell you what a lovely blouse that is.... to, when it's a parent and child, "Oh I just wanted to encourage you as a parent, things can feel so out of control sometimes can't it...") Or maybe I would have left and called the police and let them check the situation out...and maybe save someone's life?

I need a new plan for situations like that.

If you're in one like that, get out. GET OUT NOW! Nothing and no one is worth your own life. It will take some hard work and perseverance to rebuild your life, but you'll have a future.

[lynn P.]

(((JD))) - I can understand how upsetting this must have been for you to see and listen to this man. It reminds me of that show "What Would You Do"? It was very good of you to try and get the owner to intervene but he didn't do a good job.

I wonder too about how bad he must be in private - if he 's that bad in public. This is elder/wife abuse. I think the card idea is good, but only if the abuser gets up to go to the washroom - so you can do it privately. She's most likely trapped and that's sad to think about. We need more people like you, who are willing to stand up and notice when someone's doing wrong. It's a very sad situation.

[jazzy123456]

thats a difficult situation. I would have said a quick prayer for the woman because unless you see evidence of physical abuse, its hard to tell what is TRULY going on but, of course, I wasn't there, you were, we can only hope the woman is safe now..or finding her way to what that is...in time...

[geez]

JD kudos to you for stepping in and helping. There are good caring people like you in this world after all.

[(JD)]

Hmmm yeah. Thanks for the replies

I guess I could make two different cards, making the non-abuser one something entirely different, and they would assume I gave the same thing to the other?

It made everyone in the restaurant upset.

Well, I'm a bit surprised I didn't do more, but then again, when stressed sometimes my brain doesn't kick in with all the options immediately.

Now if it were a child, I would have intervened more directly. I have a standard line of something like, It's tough raising children today, isn't it? Taking the emphasis off the people and onto the "situation." However, (still running through my thoughts here) I do step physically between an adult and a child or use stronger language, "You need to check yourself right now about how you are treating this child. Is there some way I can help?" when I witness harsh physical treatment (imo) Their reply goes one of two ways. Either they break down a bit with "all the stuff going on in" their lives, or they tell me it's none of my business. (To which I inform them that they made it my business when it became unhealthy for the child (again in my opinion.)) Generally this is in a grocery store check out line I guess when the adult has just "had it" and is in a hurry???

I suspect this couple eats at the same restaurant when they do eat out...pretty much...so I'm likely to run into them again. I'll have a foot in the door now, saying something referencing that fact. I'm also going to do something to educate the new owners... but not sure exactly what. Would be nice to have a pamphlet for them to read.