[krisakira]

so i live with my boyfriend, Clay, and his mom (unfortunately, we dont have the financial stability to move out on our own). Today, while Clay was at work, his mom was showing me a picture of him when he was little with his grandpa, her dad. She went on to tell me that the grandpa always thought of Clay to be his favorite grandchild. I then asked, "what about Kim?" (that is Clay's sister). She told me that Kim was always mad at their mom for her always taking Clay's side and acting like he was her favorite child, not Kim. She then said, "well, Kim was just not a loving daughter..." I was like wow... so its like kim was right, that their mom really did favor Clay over her. First I was like "how on earth can a parent say that about their daughter??" But then I remembered my parents are worse. They play favoritism too, my sister over me. They always said she was the nicer one so she got more presents at Christmas and birthdays, and just on random occasions. Ugh, I hate thinking about this stuff, cause all it does is make me mad!

[Elana05]

(((Krisakira)))
It isn't fair, and it makes me mad too just to hear about it.
I'm sorry your parents did not do the right thing and treat you both the same.
You are an important, special person and you deserve to be treated well and with respect.
My parents are nuts too.
I mean every once in a while they have their moments where I can tell they are trying to do good... but. Well, I can relate.
Just know that it is due to their own issues...

Elana

[cherrygash321]

Sorry to hear this triggered you. I was always the one who couldn't get away with anything, but my abusive(to me) brother got away with murder. There was a double standard. It's strange how some things turn out that way, as for favoritism I have no idea how the mom could think that. That's awful. Sounds like she's in some denial herself.

[RainbowG]

Originally Posted by krisakira

But then I remembered my parents are worse. They play favoritism too, my sister over me. They always said she was the nicer one so she got more presents at Christmas and birthdays, and just on random occasions. Ugh, I hate thinking about this stuff, cause all it does is make me mad!

Krisakira,

I can so relate! My sister was my mom's favorite too. Even my brother admitted that. Elana05 is absolutely right: it's totally their issue. It has nothing to do with us.

All growing up, I just never felt like my mom liked me at all. Maybe it's weird to talk about parents liking you, but I felt like if I were someone else's kid, she wouldn't feel any obligation to even be civil to me. Does that make sense?

Any parent who practices favoritism clearly doesn't understand the non-favored kids. I definitely felt like my mom didn't understand where I was coming from at all and didn't want to. For instance, she once bought me some books as a gift because she knows I like to read, and they were all romance novels. I have no interest in romance! She just didn't get it.

When this kind of trigger comes up, please keep reminding yourself that it has nothing to do with you. Like Elana05 said, favoritism is totally about the parent's issues.

Stay strong!
Rainbow

If it's any comfort (and it might not be, but I'll operate on the off-chance that it might help), we favorites don't always have it easy. I was the family "golden child," but it didn't exempt me from abuse. Instead, I was held to a higher standard and given less margin for error. This made me far more afraid to speak my mind than my "black sheep" brother was. He said what he felt like saying, whereas I could have been sitting on a rattlesnake, but I would have said I was fine.

I don't mean to belittle your suffering, and maybe I shouldn't have mentioned it. But is there a chance that this fact might help mend things between you and your sister? I know that my brother got far worse physical abuse than I did, but their emotional abuse of me was much more subtle, and in the end it did more damage.

[krisakira]

Yeah, I have also seen that side of it. I know my sister has had some troubles, too. My dad always called her a fatty cause she wasn't slim, but when it came to me he didn't care. I think she still has an eating disorder this day and she's 26. I think all the children suffer when parents are abusive, no matter who got it worse. My sister did whatever my parents wanted of her to avoid the trouble that I got when acting out. She told me recently that because of it, he has a really bad problem with being a push-over, and this is not got cause she is a teacher now and her students often don't take her seriously. Thank you for your input.

[kalisha36]

(((((((Krisakira))))))))

I am so sorry for this....I understand too how horrible that feels...My dad was sh**ty to me, but my brother hells bells did anything for him? WTH??? I mean when I first started working at 16 I had to start paying rent? My brother nothing. I had to pay insurance on my car and buy my first car not him etc...Blah, blah....I was like huh? I mean I had to take care of him in school cuz of his special needs, and I ended up getting escorted off high school grounds never to return for fighting to protect my brother due to my dad and never return to high school... Whatever....

So I get it...Sucks...Just know your special..No matter what if safe...