[objtrbit]

I was at my therapist's a few weeks ago, and we had a good session-at the end of it though, we kinda reflected, and she ended up telling me she still suspected sexual abuse; I couldn't really get that out of my head, but to my knowledge I have never been abused. I have no memories, but I was reading this really freaking awesome book called "the courage to heal"...I have had friends who were sexually abused use that book to help them work through it.

Does anyone know anything about preverbal abuse?

When I was younger, (I'm in my 20's now) my mom told me that whenever a particular uncle came near me, I would cry. I just found out today that for a few weeks, he had slept in the same room as me (I was in a crib).

Are there any stereotypes for those who have been sexually abused?

I donno...I'm an exteme tomboy, been that way forever, I can't even say "women", I say "female", I think I might be bi but I'm weird cause I am a butch that seeks out other butch's or whatever, as long as non-fem,...I dress in cargopants and hoodies...I donno why I'm throwing all this out here.

If it did happen, that what suck because I have no evidence, no memories, no feelings...I could have been afraid of his beard I don't freakin know....

And one more thing to throw out there, I know sexual abuse victims are excellent at rationalizing things out, blaming themeselves, but I do have "objectlessness", or basically, had no real attachment to anyone except my brother growing up-a consequence of this was a strong desire to relate...I know this sounds awful, but when I read that sexual abuse book, I swear I "want" something to have happened to me...the only reason I can account for that is I want to "relate" to my friends. I donno...this is a lot and I threw way more out here than planned....

so anything on preverbal abuse would be really helpful to me, anything else is welcome too..just tryin to help ya make sense of all the crap I threw out here...

Thanks

[Sannah]

I always worked backwards in my therapy. I found the issues of today and then worked on them and only went into the past if needed to explain one of the issues of today.

I found it interesting that you were only attached to your brother. Do you understand why you weren't attached to your parents?

[objtrbit]

Hi, thanks;

yeah, I was adopted by my grandparents, my dad pretty much out of my life altogether, my mom in and out of it, my grandmother never excepted me (still to this day has a pic of me in a friggin tu-tu or whatever). My grandfather I would say I was the closest to, but I don't really know...he is so closed off it's ridiculous...if you ask him what his favorite color is, he can't even really answer-his parents never let him personalize anything, so it was like growing up raised by a robot sometimes. He could be funny though. So I guess that would be why I had no real attachment.

[Sannah]

Yeah, this makes sense. So I would suggest not worrying about sexual abuse but choosing some issues of today and working on them. Do you have some issues from today that you want to work on?