My sister who's hubby abused me has constantly denied knowing he was an abuser, to the point where she said I had an affair with him. I pointed out to her I was 12 years old and she replied yes she knew about it !

She has since left him and remarried and denies ever saying the above.

There was one instance where all three of us was in the same bed him in the middle, I was fourteen and scared of him and her (she is a very scary person who is very charismatic as well), he abused me that night and I know she knew about it but all she did was get up and move to the bottem of the bed.

She now some 30 years later told my mum today that although it was so long ago she remembers the night .... That she couldnt sleep as she was uncomfy and so moved to the bottem for more room but certainly does not remember him abusing me !

What a liar ! I am so angry at her but have to hold my temper as 1/ I am not talking to her and havent for over 13 years and 2/ my mum is so old now and really cant cope with any more stress .

I am trying to bring a case about him now its called a historical case of sex abuse. If only my sister would for once in her life do the right thing and admit to knowing what she witnessed I could use it as new evidence and it would speed up the whole process.

Sorry I just needed to vent !

[mgran]

I'm so sorry that your sister is so dishonest... she's lied about you (saying you had an affair) because by her silence she was complicit in the abuse. The fact is that if she knew (and I can't see how she didn't) that her husband was having sex with a fourteen year old while she was in the same bed, and did nothing to protect you, then she is herself guilty of (I think this is right, it might just be British law) of second degree rape. She faciliated him while he did it, she covered for his crime, and now she's trying to blame the victim.

I'm so sorry. It seems unlikely that such a woman would do the right thing. Perhaps there will be some kind of miracle, I don't know... I do know that she's treated you terribly, and you have every right to be angry with her.

If she doesn't do the right thing, just carry on with your quest to bring the bastard to justice. I really hope you get there, with or without her help. Whatever happens, remember it wasn't your fault, and I suppose in a way your sister was a victim. But she was also an adult, and had a duty of care, which she failed. I hope she can grow up enough to see how guilty she is and was, and that you will get some closure.

Well done on fighting this, and going through the courts. Every victim who is strong enough to do this makes it easier for the next one. You're a hero.

[lynn P.]

I can't imagine how frustrating this must be for you (((Tishie))). First of all in relation to the quote 'affair' notion -what a laugh BTW . Lets pretend for a second this was true (we know it's not) -having sex with a 12 yr old is against the law, not to mention this was her husband - does that mean she could accept anyone person having an affair with her husband??? That's a complete cop out and absurd. Even if it was an affair - does that mean she would accept it.

It would be the right thing for her to admit, she was probably so damned stunned she didn't know what to do. Was he physically abusive to her? If he was, maybe she was afraid to react IDK. If your case does come to the court system, then you can tell the prosecuting lawyer about that incident - which means she'll have to answer that question and it better be a good answer or she'll end up being charged as an accessory to child abuse. She won't be able to play, deaf, blind and stupid then.

She sounds like a dysfunctional person and often it's impossible getting then to admit fault. A 12 yr old doesn't willingly have affairs with married man. Her story doesn't make sense and it's an insult to you.

You know what ? You hit the nail on the head I actually felt insulted for her to accuse me of having an affair with him ....

No he was not abusive to her however he had numerous affairs throughout the marriage with adults of which she was aware of but 'forgave' him.

She claims she was blinded by love but came to her senses and left him, then went on to re marry a man I have never met but sounds like a harmless soul. (poor him)

[lynn P.]

She's actually making herself look stupid(sorry to say)...that she would tolerate her husband having sex with her sister - BS. She should be brave and admit she was wrong, that she didn't have the backbone to stand up for herself and you. I believe we'll all have a judgment day and in the end she'll have to answer why she didn't stand up for you.

[Gus1234U]

{{{{{Tishie~!!!}}}}} all this must be taking a terrible toll on you~! i send you all the comfort i can, and best wishes for a solid resolution of your miseries~~! love Bless ,, Gus

I am surprising myself I seem to be holding my own just great !

Thank you though it really is appreciated that you are thinking of me .... hugs to you too Gus.

[mgran]

Originally Posted by lynn P.

She's actually making herself look stupid(sorry to say)...that she would tolerate her husband having sex with her sister - BS. She should be brave and admit she was wrong, that she didn't have the backbone to stand up for herself and you. I believe we'll all have a judgment day and in the end she'll have to answer why she didn't stand up for you.

I believe that there will be a judgment day also... and God help anyone who abused a child on that day.

I don't know if you believe as I do, but seriously, I do believe that you will be vindicated one day. In the mean time, YOU know the truth, despite your sister's cowardice and her ex husband's malice. Stay as strong as you are, you'll do fine.

[lynn P.]

You know what ((Tishie))) - you're holding your own right now, because you're fighting for that little girl inside you, who didn't have anyone to fight for her then.

I'm going to go off topic a bit here. Parents need to not only teach their kids about strangers..which BTW is a small % of abusers. They also need to say to their kids, that no one should touch them, including our best friends, neighbor or even the all too common family members or extended family that turn out to be sneeky abusers. Those kind of abusers befriend their victims and smother them with kindness before they strike. I always prepare my girls for that nice person who may turn out to be evil.

[Irine]

wow Tishie i am sorry for what you have been through!! That must be very hard!
I wish you luck with the case...maybe you were not the only one abused by him...if you could get around people who knew him in the past...

Oh there was many.

My younger sister.
My niece.
My cousin.
A neighbour.
Some young girl in Australia.

They are just the ones I know about.

It was all taken to the police but no one wanted to deal with it, it was before the laws was changed in fact we was all just treated like normal witnesses, not taken into special rooms and spoken to by a trained woman...

It was many many years ago.

We was badly let down by the system I just cant seem to let it drop.

My sister told my niece her daughter who has seven (yes seven) children.

My niece decided in her wisdom to phone me up and rant and rave demanding to know if there was any new evidence about him ! I was not going to fill her mouth as she also told me she has every intention of visiting him with her children as she loves him.

She said she hates what he has done but loves him as he is her father.

This I understand.

What I don't understand is taking her children with her so I told her this. She replied he does not touch them like that.... (yeah right)

I will be phoning social services and telling them what is going on.

She calmed down and has sent me two voice texts so far, I am hoping for more I would like one that incriminates her/him so I can take it to the police ! All she has said so far is that every time she hears something new about him it makes her sick and her legs go weak (join the club) I am also aware that she self harms.

Thats all for now any more and I will update you.

[Sannah]

Yeah, I think it would be very good to get your sister up on the witness stand to talk about that night in her bed. A lawyer could shoot holes through her story and I think the truth would come out.

Are there records from the reporting years ago?

With all the victims I would think this guy is toast already........

I agree with you however the crown prosicution service do not ! They say that until NEW evidence is found then they will do no more, they are sorry and wish they could do more ....

Rot is what I say to that so I keep pushing I am hoping in the end they will get fed up with me and give me what I want.

I THINK I have found some new evidence in that a man with the same name but with the E missing off the end of it and two years older however from the same area, was accused two years ago of taking pictures up teenage girls skirts in a supermarket.

I think its too much of a coincidence and so am pushing for an ID parade using mug shots. If I get what I want and it is him then they will have the new evidence and can take him to court where the whole thing will be opened up.

He is now living in Spain (again) as my niece confirmed this.

[sabby]

((((((((((((((((( Tishie ))))))))))))))))))))

Keeping my fingers crossed for you hon.....and in my prayers!

xoxoxo
sabby

[Typo]

(((((((((((((((Tishie)))))))))))))))))))))

Sending gentle peaceful thoughts to you

[Artsywoman45]

Originally Posted by Tishie

My sister who's hubby abused me has constantly denied knowing he was an abuser, to the point where she said I had an affair with him. I pointed out to her I was 12 years old and she replied yes she knew about it !

She has since left him and remarried and denies ever saying the above.

There was one instance where all three of us was in the same bed him in the middle, I was fourteen and scared of him and her (she is a very scary person who is very charismatic as well), he abused me that night and I know she knew about it but all she did was get up and move to the bottem of the bed.

She now some 30 years later told my mum today that although it was so long ago she remembers the night .... That she couldnt sleep as she was uncomfy and so moved to the bottem for more room but certainly does not remember him abusing me !

What a liar ! I am so angry at her but have to hold my temper as 1/ I am not talking to her and havent for over 13 years and 2/ my mum is so old now and really cant cope with any more stress .

I am trying to bring a case about him now its called a historical case of sex abuse. If only my sister would for once in her life do the right thing and admit to knowing what she witnessed I could use it as new evidence and it would speed up the whole process.

Sorry I just needed to vent !

She is in denial. My half sister did the same thing to me. She acted like I was the "crazy one" in the family. I had that label. She was abused by my Father also I believe. Your sister just does not want to believe such a horrible thing. It is a psychological defense. I am not a therapist, but it is. She is too freaked out. Peace and good luck.

[Gus1234U]

oooh Tishie~ it seems like the deeper you dig , the dirtier it gets... i would not be at all surprised if your neice was also abused by her father, and to take her kids to visit him, it's just outrageous~! i'm with you~ never shut up, never stop trying, never give in... {{{{Hero~!}}}}

UPDATE....

I find out in about three weeks if they are going to take it any further for me or not. Then Policeman dealing with it has to put it to the CPS after gathering all his evidence together plus has time off so thats how long it will take.

Please everyone pray like you have never prayed before that they agree to take it further and allow me to do a mug shot ID parade.

Hugs all and thank you all for caring ...

[eskielover]

Praying that the evidence will come together for you to go after him for what he did to you & the others.

I know how horrible it feels for the police to say they don't have enough evidence when you know what has happened. Had that happen in a different abuse situation with my mother. When the DA told the police they didn't have enough evidence I felt completely invalidated. Everyone was saying things like just "don't happen"......but they do & if the police would have been able to prove it even though they did believe me.....it would have proved it to everyone else who thought I was crazy & threatened me to back off. Think there was a really deep thing going on there, but not enough proof ended up just making the PTSD from the situation worse.

I can understand how you must feel & have felt during this whole horrible situation.

Had a friend whose father SA her & mother refused to acknowledge that it was going on but hated her daughter for what her husband was doing. If the mother had acknowledged it then she would have to have dealt with it in the marriage & the mother wasn't able to do that, so her only option was to ignore what was happening.....what a sad situation to be trapped in for mother & daughter.....but your sister left, so should have been able to go after her ex because of what he did to you. Maybe she feels that she would be held guilty also for not taking any action & is protecting herself rather than putting herself into a place where she feels like she could be accused of being part of the abuse if she were to admit to knowing about it?

Think that it's important to take the responsibility of being honest about what has happened & the consequences are just to be accepted.....plus she could have felt fear of what he might do to her if she had said what he had done....but after she left him, that fear should have been gone.

Praying that the truth comes out & you are able to prosecute. It doesn't change what happened, but there is a feeling of fairness when one can stand up & have the system validate what has happened to you & hold him responsible.

[lynn P.]

I praying the police will decide in your favor ((Tishie)). Time for a nice visit from Karma for him.

[Can't Stop Crying]

I'm so proud of you for sticking this out. When I tried to prosecute, was told the statute of limitations had run out even with at least half a dozen victims. I also was called crazy as a child and a liar. As an adult, my siblings have been speaking out. Sometimes I want to scream at them..too little, too late. But I know everyone has their own time line for healing and coming out of denial. I really hope this works out for you. You are very strong.

[sabby]

((((((((((((((( Tishie )))))))))))))))

You are in my thoughts and prayers my friend. May justice prevail and may you find healing through it all.

xoxoxo

UPDATE....

Sad news, it was not the same person ....

The Police are saying unless he is arrested for a similar crime then there is not anything more anyone can do .

I seem to be accepting it fairly well so far but who knows in a day or two.

Thank you all for your fantastic support though it has really helped me.

Hugs to you all.

[sabby]

Awww ((((((( Tishie )))))))

I'm sorry hon that it wasn't the guy. But even so, I'm proud of you for taking a stand and moving forward with this. I know it's not an easy thing to do. I'm glad you are taking it okay right now, but don't be surprised if some other emotions seem to come in to play over the next couple of weeks....that would be very normal.

I hope and pray that someday you will get a phone call out of the blue that they have someone they think is the one......what a great surprise that would be!

Hang in there my friend.