[Butterflies Are Free]

I debated about whether or not to write this post because I was feeling such intense shame about something that happened today. I had just a regular appointment with my OBGYN(I have only been seeing her for two years).
I went to a different office this year and my records hadn't been sent from their second office location. During the exam, the doctor asked if I wanted to be tested for any sexually transmitted diseases. I told her that I wasn't in a relationship right now so I didn't think so. She asked about my previous partner and I said that I had never been in a relationship. Then she asked if I was having sex with women and I said, no, I have never had sex with anyone. She then asked(surprised), "You mean, you're a virgin?" Well, I had had this discussion with her last year and told her that I was a survivor of CSA, although no penetration had taken place. She said then, "Well, I wish your chart had arrived from the other office because then I would have known to use a smaller instrument." I held myself together until I got into the car and then I fell apart. I felt angry at her reaction and ashamed of myself. My T is away for two weeks and I didn't know who else would really understand, so I called the local hotline. I am glad I did. I decided that when my T. gets back, I am going to ask her for a recommendation for a new OBGYN and this time, I am going to schedule an appointment to discuss my issues around CSA. I can't believe some health care practitioners(and this was a woman) can be so uneducated!
I am hard enough on myself as it is(about my lack of a relationship) and did not need to be triggered by her. Sorry to go on about this, but it really upset me. Thanks to anyone who posts a reply.

[Omers]

I agree that there are better/more professional ways to have that conversation but I think it was a, perhaps misguided, attempt at being sensitive. I have had 3 exams and and the first two Drs asked me about my history too... My last Dr knew my history but didn't talk to me and used a LARGE instrument.... My god was that horrid!!!

[*Defeated*]

Oh wow, stephyofoz1 ... I don't have exactly the same experience as you but can most definitely relate; I imagine this was just awful for you. I can almost feel your anxiety as you wait for the appointment to be over, the getting dressed, the following of exit signs towards check out wondering if everyone you pass knows everything about you, the waiting on the lady at check out .... don't lose it in the elevator....

I'm sorry you had to go through this - it doesn't make things any easier for those who struggle and so often, our professionals get caught up in the "business" aspect of their work and forget that their patients are real people with feelings.

Again, I'm sorry ... hugs!

[Xeneon]

((((stephyofoz1)))

This is horrible!!! I would switch doctors because no doc should have said that. I'm terrifed to my doc so i just don't go and this would put me into tears. Im soooooo SORRY, this has happened.

[Butterflies Are Free]

Thanks to everyone who posted. Today I am actually feeling angry about what happened, even though I don't think the doctor was trying to upset me on purpose.
I did decide that I have the right to be comfortable with a doctor and I am going to look for a new one, someone who is trained/sensitive to patients with CSA. I know I have to continue to work on my issues of shame but I want a doc that understands. The next time, I am going to go in for a visit only and put everything out on the table.
If I like the new person, I will stay with her.