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#1
Apr 16, 2011, 11:33 PM
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I found out this week that my mom died about a year ago. She didn't abuse me but when she found out about it she believed the abuser when told that I deserved it.
I hadn't seen her in 10 years. Not only did she die but the family house was sold. I used to fantasize about going home and visiting where I used to play. And I used to fantasize that one day she would realize how much she had hurt me. Now she never will. And she was hurt that she had lost both her daughters. (We cut her out of our lives.) So she died lonely without her daughters. really, nobody wins and I guess I am feeling mixed up now roses |
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#2
Apr 17, 2011, 04:36 AM
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Maybe write a letter to your mom to express these feelings. it's confusing to know how to respond when someone who hurt you is gone. so sorry you are going through this right now!
__________________
 Children's talent to endure stems from their ignorance of alternatives. ~ Maya Angelou Thank you SadNEmpty for my avatar and signature.
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#3
Apr 17, 2011, 05:10 AM
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I'm so sorry Rose, I can't imagine how you feel. Do you have anyone to talk to?
__________________
Here I sit so patiently Waiting to find out what price You have to pay to get out of Going through all these things twice. |
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#4
Apr 17, 2011, 04:14 PM
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if you know where her body/ashes are burried maybe you could write a letter telling her how you feel and how she hurt you by believing the abuser over her own daughter and bury or place the letter there.
I am so sorry you are going through this, it is not nice to lose your mother once let alone twice even if it was for the good of your health. Take care of yourself 
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#5
Apr 17, 2011, 05:54 PM
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As can't stop crying wrote....A letter is a very good idea. Write to mom and tell her how you felt and how you feel now. It works!!.......then burn the letter or as somone posted put it where she is buried if possible.
Hugs; Dee
__________________
Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live. Oscar Wilde Well Behaved Women Seldom Make History - Laurel Thatcher Ulrich The road to hell is paved with good intentions. "And psychology has once again proved itself the doofus of the sciences" Sheldon Cooper 
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#6
Apr 18, 2011, 10:19 AM
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__________________
Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........ I'm an ISFJ |
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#7
Apr 30, 2011, 04:39 AM
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I haven't been on the site since posting the message. Too much anxiety. But I want to thank you all for your kind words and prayers.
About 20 years ago, my therapist suggested that I confront her. I said, ' I stayed in an abusive relationship for longer because of you.' (Once there was a child, it was the woman's job to stay in the relationship no matter what.) She told me, 'You learned well.' I am not in a really good place, but I am no longer being abused and there is peace in that. My mom was really in a bad place. In the past few days, I have been thinking that it is good that she is not around to witness the criminal proceedings and civil proceedings that I have initiated to confront the abusers and heal. It would have killed her. My shrink says that we are all a product of our parents' problems and health issues. roses thanks again |
 Can't Stop Crying, Sannah
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This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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