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#1
Apr 20, 2011, 08:30 PM
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I could really use some advice and guidance on this issue. Anyway, here's my problem.
I was sexually abused by my father for years when I was a child. I kept it a secret until recently when I told my mother about it. She didn't believe me and even went as far as threatening me when I told her. I have had no contact with either of my parents or my only sister since then, which was December of last year. They have all made threats against me since then, too. Well, now my sister has become very ill, and she's not doing well at all. She's had multiple strokes. She lives with my parents, and I have been debating whether or not I should get back in contact with them since she's in such poor health. I have had such a hard time dealing with all of this already, and I'm not sure what I should do. Should I feel guilty for not calling and showing my support? I really don't even want to contact them at all, but I feel bad for not doing so. Any advice, anyone?
__________________
"There are things we need to forget and forgive, Sometimes we have to try and shed the damage we don't need." Silverchair- All Across The World |
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#2
Apr 21, 2011, 04:38 AM
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You need to do what is best for you! If you don't want to contact them, you have every right to keep your distance. Too many times I have felt the "guilt" and given in to family contact only to have it tear me down and leave me in a bad place for weeks. Take care of yourself and feel no guilt in doing that. Just my thoughts...
__________________
 Children's talent to endure stems from their ignorance of alternatives. ~ Maya Angelou Thank you SadNEmpty for my avatar and signature.
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#3
Apr 21, 2011, 04:09 PM
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Thank you so much for replying. I think you are absolutely right... I need to do what's best for me and just leave them alone. It's really hard to think clearly sometimes, though, especially when it involves family. It's good to have some clarity. I appreciate it.
__________________
"There are things we need to forget and forgive, Sometimes we have to try and shed the damage we don't need." Silverchair- All Across The World |
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#4
Apr 21, 2011, 04:54 PM
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I am very sorry that you are going through this. Is there any way that you would be able to contact your sister without contacting your parents? Perhaps a letter would be the way to go, without writing your return address on it so that you can ensure it is delivered to her. Still, I agree that if your desire to reach out is based upon guilt, or if you are afraid that contacting her would open a gigantic can of worms again, you may want to rethink your approach. She is your sister and, no matter what, you have a right to tell her how much you love her. If it makes you feel better to do so, and you are sure that it is the right decision for you, then by all means, do it.
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#5
Apr 22, 2011, 10:05 AM
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You absolutely need to do what is best for you! Keep us posted?
__________________
Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........ I'm an ISFJ |
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#6
Apr 30, 2011, 04:54 AM
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I haven't seen my family for 10 years and I have felt the same.
I agree that maybe a letter to your sister would work if you want contact with her. You could offer love or support without even bringing up the past. You could even have someone else deliver it. Or an email? As for you mom, it is her choice. Some people stay in bad relationships because it is too scary or difficult to deal with the change. ( Wise words from my shrink.) And if he hurt you, he hurt your mom. When you hurt a child, you hurt a parent. It is bad for you that she is limmitted and can't deal with it. You can only look after yourself. Look after your friends and entourage. The abuse stops with you and you should be proud of that. Look after yourself roses |
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