[itspeaks]

My father molested me when I was around 4-5 years old, I remember a couple of times that it happened, I don't know if it happened more. He has been in prison for 15 years and I have had very limited contact with him. I think I was maybe 10 the last time I spoke to him. My mother has not wanted any contact with him therefore he only has my grandmothers phone number and only can contact her. I feel somewhat mad at my mother for not enabling him to contact me, but also confused as to if I should even want to talk to him. I do not forgive what he did to be, but at the same time I feel a lot of pain not having a relationship with my father or another father figure. My mother never remarried and it was very hard on me growing up with all my friends having their fathers around. I had been thinking of talking with him on the phone or in person when he gets out of prison in November, but I don't really know what I would say. I just found out yesterday that he has a tumor and might have prostate cancer. I am upset of course, because he is still my father and besides the sexual abuse he was a good father from what I can remember. I don't know how I am supposed to feel about everything..... I don't know if I should contact him.. I just feel lost and confused.

[itspeaks]

I need to also add that although I have been in therapy many times for my anxiety and depression I have not ever really dealt with the abuse, I just feel really uncomfortable talking about it.

[MISERABLE ME]

I too was raped and molested by my biological father from the time i was 3 years old until I was 9 years old. I always hated my father so I did not even try to get in contact with him and sometimes today I wonder what would have happened if I did confront him when he was still alive he died of Cancer in 06, Me myself if I were you I would talk with him when he gets out of prison and I know what it is like not knowing how to feel for I have been this way for a long time not knowing and I have not talked about it or even dealt with the abuse either so maybe we can help each other HUGS.

[itspeaks]

Thank you for your input I would really like to hear what other people think too so please reply!

[dkwynn]

I know how you feel being torn between all the mixed feelings. I was also abused by my father four years. I think it is normal to want to have a relationship he is your father, we still want to be loved no matter what they have done, that is what the mixed feelings are so confusing. You have to do what is best for you, talking about it with a good couselor would be a good start. even if it is hard. nothing good comes easy. But staying in the place in are in now you are living in your own personal prison. the only way to get out is you have to do it yourself, otherwise you will always be in this prison no matter what you do in your life. It will not just go away. Thoughts and prayers to in your journey to freedom from your personal prison. Always be kind to yourself and be your own best freind.

[Can't Stop Crying]

I wish I knew what to say. Personally, I can't have contact with my father because he has never owned up to what he did or received any consequences. I don't know how I would feel if someone else made the no contact rule for me....
I think part of recovering from abuse is the need to reclaim the power you may feel like you lost. It's hard when someone else makes decisions for you, even if they believe they are doing what is in your best interest.
I don't have any particularly good memories of my father so I guess that eases some of the confusion in that regard.

[Sannah]

IS, I think that you should talk more about this in therapy and then you will be able to make a better decision for yourself.

[roses4me]

I think you should discuss the options and possible outcomes with your therapist. It might help you decide what is best for you.

I confronted. It wasn't productive. There was absolutely no connection to what I was saying. No acknowledgement of past actions or consequences.

Later, my son was diagnosed with Asperger's syndrome (high functionning autism). So he has no ability to put himself in the place of another and certainly no concept of consequences other than intellectual. After his diagnosis , other family members began to get diagnosed. (My son is very proud that he was the first.) Although my father has never permitted himself to be diagnosed (my ex either), it is likely they are both asperger. the peace that I have comes from this knowledge.

I do not know if I will see him again. I know he will never apologize or anything like that. If I see him, I would be limitted to talking about golf or renovations and things like that. At the moment, I have no interest in that.

I think that closure is what is important. I hope you can determine what will give you closure. Good luck with that.
roses