[Elysium]

So, I can't sleep right now.....I'm anxious, but somehow relieved. After years of looking for the man who SAd me when I was a child I have finally located him. I am absolutely 100% sure it is him. I found his phone number online and called it and when he picked up the phone I asked for someone I knew wasn't there. I asked who he was and he told me his name. I knew it was him when he said hello. I would recognize his voice anywhere.

Crap....this isn't healthy. What do I do now. I don't know. I can't prosecute him or anything....statute of limitations ran out a long time ago. I'm not planning on contacting him any further....I just wanted to know where he is....just in case. After all...he is an un-registered sex offender.

His daughter used to babysit me when I was little. My parents always secretly wondered if he had SAd her, but for some reason felt it appropriate to allow him in their home and to get him slobbering drunk over a steak dinner....and then let him go in the pool with their kids. They were stupid people.

I found his daughter on Facebook tonight too. I sent her a message asking if she remembered babysitting me and asked if we could be FB friends. I don't know what she'll say. Part of me hopes she says no, but the other part of me hopes she says yes.

I don't know what to do. I have questions I want to ask her about her father. Difficult questions that she might not be ready or willing to hear or answer. Something in me says that that just isn't fair....for me to go seeking answers from her. What if he did hurt her? What right do I have to open this can of worms over 25 yrs later.

Damn It!! Why should I feel guilty for wanting answers though. I'm never going to get justice for what this man did and neither he, nor my Father are ever going to validate it. Is it too much to ask to be able to get some answers from the daughter. How selfish is that? Very selfish. Questions like these can really tear someone up. I don't want to hurt her. I could care less if I cause him problems, but I don't want to turn her world upside down.

Not sure what to do. I want answers.....I need answers....to feel whole.....but I don't know if they will even help?

I don't know what I'm looking for here? I guess I'm just needing to type this out to get it out of my head. I wouldn't mind hearing peoples thoughts on this situation, but it's not necessary. I would understand if no one wanted to touch this one. I just feel........betrayed, invalidated, forgotten, not good enough, ashamed, angry....I could go on. But is contacting his daughter too much??????

[Can't Stop Crying]

Maybe you could be in contact with the daughter, but not bring up the SA until you test the waters a bit and get a sense of where she is in her life right now? It is hard to predict what her response might be. I understand the "need to know" thing. I tried really hard to get my paperwork from when I was a ward of the state (they no longer exist) and sometimes I do searches on my parents even though I severed all ties with them years ago. I don't know what I am/was looking for...I just get this feeling in me where I need information...so I understand why you needed to find him.

[Sannah]

Hi Elysium, I can also understand your quest. See what happens with this person. You asked an innocent question of her. If she responds you can test the waters slowly just like CSC suggested. Keep us posted?

[lynn P.]

(((Elysium))) - I would imagine this is probably very triggering for you. Must be frustrating not being able to take legal action. I wish you calm feelings during this difficult time.

[WePow]

giving you big safe hugs

[alakazam]

I think that you wanting to find him is not at all strange.. in fact, I think it's quite normal. As for his daughter, if she was not abused by her father, it seems like going to her might cause unnecessary harm. I think that testing the waters is a good idea. Take it slow, don't do anything rash, and try to find some clarity before you make a decision on how to proceed with her.

[BlackCanary]

when I started therapy in 2009 and told my story for the first time, I was told that there isn't a statute of limitations for prosecution until you report the crime to an authority.

I"ve done the search, found the daughter. Could not go further - different country. There are still other avenues, but I'm not ready. So, my advice is to keep yourself safe as you take any steps.

[Leed]

I'm not sure, but I don't think there IS a statute of limitations on criminal sexual conduct!!! I think you can prosecute them regardless of how long it's been. GO GET HIM GIRLFRIEND!!! Do NOT let him get away with this!!! Hugs, Lee

[Can't Stop Crying]

Originally Posted by Leed

I'm not sure, but I don't think there IS a statute of limitations on criminal sexual conduct!!! I think you can prosecute them regardless of how long it's been. GO GET HIM GIRLFRIEND!!! Do NOT let him get away with this!!! Hugs, Lee

Unfortunately, there is a statute of limitations on CSA. I have done extensive research on this. It varies from state to state, but most fall into the 3-7 year category. The exception is if the abuse happens to a child and the child doesn't report it until after 18, then the clock starts ticking from when the abuse was first reported

Elysium - any update on the daughter and your conversations with her, if any?

[Leed]

Then the laws should be changed!!! All too often, these "animals" go free because women are naturally afraid to speak out -- for many different reasons. Later, after they've been able to process this whole tragedy, they want to put them behind bars ~ and it's too late!!! The laws need to be changed!!!

The law has been changed about the statute of limitations for sexual abuse. Due to the priesthood sexual abuse. People well into their 40s and 50s are prosecuting priests that hurt them as children.

Elysium-

I also found my sexual abuser's son on facebook. But I can't bring myself to strike up a conversation. I know that while we were in highschool, (he was a year younger then me) he was in and out of a lot of psych wards, so I imagine it effected him greatly. And I don't want to add fuel to the fire. I also found his mom, (my abusers ex wife).

[geez]

I would love to find my abuser. He's 'around' but I don't know his last name. I would love to give him a piece of my mind
Wishing you peace and some resolution.

[Can't Stop Crying]

Originally Posted by LydiaB

The law has been changed about the statute of limitations for sexual abuse. Due to the priesthood sexual abuse. People well into their 40s and 50s are prosecuting priests that hurt them as children.

Can you give me more info on this? My understanding is that they are prosecuting the Catholic Church for the cover up. I would really like to know legal avenues that may be an option for me...do you have a link or something. Everything I've looked into and based on speaking to my Guardian Ad Litem has led me to believe that I have no legal recourse. If you have a source for the change in the law, pretty please post it? thanks

[Sannah]

This is interesting - apparently there is no statute of limitations for crimes against children in federal court:

http://www.federalcriminallawyer.us/...-sex-offenses/

Here is a state by state chart:

www.corsal.org/06SOLNCVCCRIMSOL20061%5B1%5D.TBL.pdf►

It seems that Florida just made a law which eliminates the statute of limitations for sex crimes against children. A man who was abused at 7 lobbied for the bill.

[Can't Stop Crying]

So the case would have to be federal, if I'm understanding correctly? I looked up my home state and it does have a statute. Does federal law override state law? Anybody know?

[Sannah]

State and Federal courts are just different I think. If it was a federal case it would be tried in federal court.

Things that make a crime a federal crime is if state lines are crossed or kidnapping. Did your dad ever take you across a state line and abuse you?

What about a civil trial? Can you sue for damages?

[Can't Stop Crying]

Originally Posted by Sannah

State and Federal courts are just different I think. If it was a federal case it would be tried in federal court.

Things that make a crime a federal crime is if state lines are crossed or kidnapping. Did your dad ever take you across a state line and abuse you?

What about a civil trial? Can you sue for damages?

He never crossed state lines with me. I was told I could sue for medical expenses, but that it is rarely successful, by a victims rights attorney that my former GAL referred me to.

Maybe it's just wishful thinking to hope he suffers some type of consequences?

[Sannah]

I can certainly understand your desire for him to suffer some consequences for what he did to you. This is so normal. Justice is important to us.

[Can't Stop Crying]

So sorry I hijacked this thread

[Elysium]

Hey everyone...

Thanks so much for all your responses!!

(((CantStopCrying))) I don't think you hijacked the thread at all. I appreciate all the info offered by everyone. It is very supportive.

An update on the issue......not much has happened. I kind of left it alone as I am not sure what makes sense at this point. There is nothing more I would like to do than prosecute this sick man. Unfortunately, there is no "evidence", other than my truth, that it happened. My Father was in the room during a good portion of the abuse, but he claims to this day, even though I told him and my Mother that night, that he was not aware that anything major had happened and that he thought this man just tried to "kiss me in the hallway". The man himself was extremely intoxicated and claims he "blacked out" and doesn't remember doing anything to me....but then why did he call my Mother the next morning and apologize "if anything had happened" the night before?

It's sick really. My own Father knows exactly what happened, as I believe he was aware it was taking place, and I told him what happened, but as he remembers it, this took place when I was five or six years old. ***** Hole!! I WAS 12!!!

Anyway, I did end up sending his daughter a message on FB. Either she doesn't spend much time on FB or she has chosen not to reply. I didn't get into detail with her. I just said that her Father had been good friends with mine and that she used to babysit me once in a while and I told her I had some questions I wanted to ask her and I left it at that.

I don't know what I can do at this point. It doesn't seem like there will ever be any legal justice for this issue and even if I tried, I think it could possibly be more harmful to me than just working through it with T. The only issue is, it just doesn't seem to go away. Nothing does....but that's the depression, the CPTSD, and the DID. There's just something inside that is simply broken...and even though T seems to believe it can be repaired, it really feels like it can't.

Just meeting my basic needs right now is tough. I'm doing it, but I still feel like I'm walking a tight rope without a net and I still feel like there are people and other things that exist in my world to try and knock me off. Most of the time it takes all my energy to keep my career on track and manage keeping a roof over my head and food in my cupboards.

I feel like, no matter where I go in life, I am always standing just on the edge of a dark forest...and no matter how fast I run, or how far I think I run from it, it always runs faster than me.

Life is exhausting.

http://forums.psychcentral.com/showt...72#post1823572

[Can't Stop Crying]

Sorry this is so tough...I understand the broken inside feeling. I wrote in another thread somewhere that I feel like a hamster, running as fast as I can, but stuck in this wheel so I'm getting no where. It is exhausting! I just hope, for all of us, that someday we find the peace and freedom we are looking for!

[Sannah]

[roses4me]

I am in Canada.
Here there is no statute for criminal matters. So a complaint to the police brings a police investigation and a criminal trial. There was case recently where two daughters waited until their mom died to bring charges. They were in their 60's and their father was in a care facility with alzeimers. He was convicted of sexual assault and abuse and ordered to due his time in the same care facility where he had been living.
I think it was liberating for the daaughters. It it hard to carry all this stuff (and somehow guilt and judgement)inside.

There are statues of limitations for civil court... 2 or 3 years depending on the province. In the case of child the statute begins on their 18th birthday.

However, many people sue civilly after the criminal investigation. It is easier because the guilt has already been proven.

hope this helps
roses