[Halen]

He holds my face down
and lets his weigth go down on me
i can't breath nor set myself free..
i want to die want him to stop
as he whispers in my ear devilish words..
"you know you like it...i know you do"
I start to fade into a world unseen by others
as i stare at my own body from above
as he continues, silents cries scream through the room
he doesn't care he doesn't stop
as i fight with all my might
he sends painful reminders of whose in charge
blood drips from his lips as the unheard words slip through...
the room becomes still
"i'm done" he says
as he slowly takes his hand off the back of my neck
when he leans in for the last time toward you that night
"good boy....good boy...you did good tonight...now tell me you liked it"
as i stutter the words tears roll down my face
as he exits he looks back
he throws a kiss
it hits me like a missle as i coward in the sheets
no one knows, for the silent suffering of a child
when the innocence is taken from them
and are left like empty vessels that are later filled with anger and destruction
the fear is never far away but right beside me
i may be a man now but still feel like that child who suffered silently....

I guess I'm slowly seeing that if i write down parts of my abuse in this type of way it helps me vent and actually feel better and relieved.
Just thought i'd share the advice. It's working for me, and it's my first time i ever wrote something like this about my abuse.

not needing replies just trying to vent and let some emotions out.

[Leed]

Bless your heart ~ I hope and pray that you are seeing a therapist. You need to talk to a professional about your abuse. This is something that you cannot try to handle alone.

I hope that the animal who did this to you was caught and put in jail where he belongs!

Just know that you are in my thoughts and prayers ~ and if you don't have a therapist, please contact one. I'm concerned about you. God bless you and please take care. Hugs, Lee

[disguise123]

Your brave

[Ardmore]

I'm so sorry for what happened to you.

The man who did this to you doesn't deserves to live, no one should have to go through that.

I hope you well

[roses4me]

Originally Posted by Halen

He holds my face down
and lets his weigth go down on me
i can't breath nor set myself free..
i want to die want him to stop
as he whispers in my ear devilish words..
"you know you like it...i know you do"
I start to fade into a world unseen by others
as i stare at my own body from above
as he continues, silents cries scream through the room
he doesn't care he doesn't stop
as i fight with all my might
he sends painful reminders of whose in charge
blood drips from his lips as the unheard words slip through...
the room becomes still
"i'm done" he says
as he slowly takes his hand off the back of my neck
when he leans in for the last time toward you that night
"good boy....good boy...you did good tonight...now tell me you liked it"
as i stutter the words tears roll down my face
as he exits he looks back
he throws a kiss
it hits me like a missle as i coward in the sheets
no one knows, for the silent suffering of a child
when the innocence is taken from them
and are left like empty vessels that are later filled with anger and destruction
the fear is never far away but right beside me
i may be a man now but still feel like that child who suffered silently....

I guess I'm slowly seeing that if i write down parts of my abuse in this type of way it helps me vent and actually feel better and relieved.
Just thought i'd share the advice. It's working for me, and it's my first time i ever wrote something like this about my abuse.

not needing replies just trying to vent and let some emotions out.

so ugly but so honest and well written
this is the kind of writing that needs to be in the curriculum of social workers and therapist and other medical professionals during their studies

[Halen]

Thank you for your concerns and words.... They are really appreciated, i needed them most today...Thanks!

[Sannah]

Halen, this abuse that you suffered left that little boy stuck inside of you. Going to therapy will allow this little boy to speak and to release those emotions from long ago and this will release him, then you won't feel like this little boy anymore.

[Halen]

Originally Posted by Sannah

Halen, this abuse that you suffered left that little boy stuck inside of you. Going to therapy will allow this little boy to speak and to release those emotions from long ago and this will release him, then you won't feel like this little boy anymore.

Thanks Sannah for the advice, I actually found out that just by writing this made a huge difference, I couldn't take the smile off my face today b/c i felt, idk just good. I feel that if i slowly start to write out things about my abuse i won't have so much bottled up anymore...I think I found my outlet...

[Can't Stop Crying]

Keep writing....writing helps me too. In the long run though, professional help might be a good idea to help you process this.
Thank you for your honesty and bravery! It is hard to share, but provides relief and support at the same time. I'm proud of you!