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#1
May 05, 2011, 01:42 PM
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Why do people always respond with "oh I am so sorry" or "you must have some family" whenever i say i have no family?
I was abused for 10 + years by my stepfather, mum knew and chose to let him stay and closed her eyes to what he was doing. It was MY CHOICE to break ties with them, being around them was detrimental to my health both physically and mentally, I am much better off without people like them in my life. I would have had a family of my own if my partner of 10 years had not passed away, no one will ever replace him though i do have friends who are men. so ok I have no family, but I am happy living alone, I don't have to answer to anyone, the loo seat is always down, the towels are hung up, Christmas is not a round of buying expensive gifts for ungrateful relatives and I have run of the remote control!!! so is having no family something to be pittied for... NO chance, it is great!!!! |
 Elysium
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#2
May 05, 2011, 03:38 PM
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__________________
Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........ I'm an ISFJ |
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#3
May 05, 2011, 04:47 PM
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my shrink once said to me
'you are not the only one who has had to put an X over his family just to survive' I am glad for the peace it has given me but myself sometimes I feel the loss I am so so grateful for the friendships I have because my friendships are healthy relationships and many relatioships are just nocive roses roses |
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#4
May 05, 2011, 07:44 PM
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My husband once said to me, "Unfortunately, you can't pick your relatives."
To which my daughter replied, "But you can pick your family." They're both right, IMO. If you have a circle of loved ones, no matter how large or small, whether or not they share DNA with you, they are your "family." To heck with your relatives. They have not earned the right to be called "family." |
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#5
May 05, 2011, 08:11 PM
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My family consists of friends I've chosen to mentally adopt to replace my DNA family and I adore them!
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| pondbc
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#6
May 06, 2011, 02:38 AM
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Love the "i run the remote" line
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Halen |
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#7
May 06, 2011, 08:08 AM
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Quote:
 I 100% agree with you
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#8
May 06, 2011, 09:32 AM
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I so agree with everyone
it is so nice to feel validated roses |
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#9
May 07, 2011, 03:53 AM
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I have also cut off contact from my birth family...I don't miss them, but I do miss the concept of having a family. I have my own family now that fills part of the longing. It's hard for me to imagine what it would have been like, because even when they were in my life, they didn't deserve to be called family.
__________________
 Children's talent to endure stems from their ignorance of alternatives. ~ Maya Angelou Thank you SadNEmpty for my avatar and signature.
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#10
May 07, 2011, 01:54 PM
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yellowted,
I understand...in the end I moved 4000 miles away and it was the best thing i ever did. Whenever I go over, even after a week, I am a wreck and my illness relapses badly. Takes a long time to get stabilized after, then there are the nightmares. I have been affected physically and mentally long term and distancing myself is how I have survived. Now I have my own loving circle here, but I rarely talk about any of the bad stuff. They still have such a hold on me I am sure they will FIND OUT ... You enjoy your towels hung up neatly. And the peace and tranquillity. Don't buy into to that crap on TV about th Sears catalogue Christmas...it's an illusion. |
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#11
May 07, 2011, 08:35 PM
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I disowned my father's side of the family. They're an effed up V.C. Andrews novel!
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| Elysium
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#12
May 10, 2011, 05:08 PM
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This thread was soooo helpful to read!!
 In an unfortunate sort of way, I guess.I am in that space of working towards being able to put an X over my family to survive, as we speak. It is an arduous task. What makes it so much harder is that there are relatives of mine who I think are good for me and could be understanding if they were away from the dysfunction, but they themselves are so caught in it that for me to sever the ties with the dysfunction, I'd have to walk away from them too. It's a choice I am working hard to come to terms with in therapy. I know it needs to be done if I am to be healthy and move forward in my own life. The issue I am having now is that I feel guilty. I feel guilty that I just moved and have not told my Mother or other relatives yet. I feel guilty that I don't really want to tell them where I live and that I enjoy the fact that they don't know. I keep saying to myself....how can I be such a mean person, to do that to them. All internal messages planted by the years of abuse, of course, but still very hard not to listen to when they play over and over and never shut up. I feel so alone in this, and I guess I didn't realize until reading this post that there are more people out there who, like me, have had to put up that wall for their own health and create their own family. I guess that makes us strong. 
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