[Asiablue]

I recently made a disclosure about some S.A that took place over 20 years ago. But when i began talking about it, i realised how little i remember about the abuse and it really bothers me. I've tried relaxing, and almost meditating to try and recall some of the detail from that time, and i just can't get it. In fact the more i try, the less i remember.

Worst still, while meditating i kept going over a new scenario, that i'd never recalled before. The "dream" wouldn't let me past this particular scene and when i allowed it to take me where it needed to go, i was shown me at a different age, in a car with a man i can't see, but i must know him. Then it flashes to me walking home, feeling like the man's angry with me, and i feel strange "down there". The next flash is being in my bathroom trying to make sense of what happened to me.

When i woke, i was so sure what i'd saw was real but a few weeks on, i'm not so sure. Maybe it was a dream, representative of what i was trying to remember or something?

Why can't i remember stuff?

[Leed]

I believe that our psyche's protect us from realizing something that we're not ready to see yet -- so it won't allow us to remember.

You would be better served to try to remember this with the help of a professional -- a therapist/psychiatrist. He can help guide to slowly to the point of remembrance when you're ready. It might not be time for you to do this just yet.

If you can, make an appointment with a good therapist. Best of luck and God bless you! Hugs, Lee

[Xeneon]

Are bodies put up guards so we can't remember traumatic events and this most of been a traumatic event for you. Don't push your body to fare to the point where your stressing and worrying. When your body is tense all the time your health declines. In time and with help you will remember what has happen but most likely you will need help to help you remember. If you think about it really hard what is your first memeory? Then what is your secound memory? Normally people can remember something from each year of there life unless its to much for them. Please don't rush yourself to remember. Time will tell, just give it time. Wish you the best of luck.

[Asiablue]

i am with a therapist, it was her i disclosed to. But therapy is ending at end of month.

i really don't want to deal with it outside of my own head. i feel like i need to work out what is true and what is my minds fabrication. It must be. Nobody is that unlucky twice. But leaves me wondering why i'd think that had happened if it didn't. THat makes me one sick individual. I think i'd rather put it down to a dream or something. The 1st thing i know def happened and that's enough to contend with.

[Sannah]

You can't continue therapy?

[Can't Stop Crying]

You will remember when you feel safe enough to let those memories surface. You can't force them. And to your point...unfortunately, it can happen twice.

[Asiablue]

Sannah- no, i only get so many sessions allocated to me. I'm in the U.k and the NHS is pretty stretched, so we only get a certain amount.

Can't stop crying- maybe one day i'll be able to access them, who knows.

[Sannah]

You are only getting a certain amount of sessions for the issues that you presented with?

[Asiablue]

Originally Posted by Sannah

You are only getting a certain amount of sessions for the issues that you presented with?

yeah, i've hd 18 sessions which is far more than usual for the type of therapy it was (cognitive-behavioural). So now it's coming to the end. Feel like it's just like " great, you made a disclosure, let's talk bout that for a couple of session, oops, no more sessions" Not therapists fault, she's not allowed to give me anymore, because they have waiting lists. She could refer me on, but i's wait well over 18 months.

Not sure i can afford private. Feel like i need more in depth psychoanalysis/dynamic type therapy to really get at the core of things.

[Sannah]

I would get the referral. The 18 months are going to pass by either way and if you are on the list you get therapy at the end of it.

[Asiablue]

Originally Posted by Sannah

I would get the referral. The 18 months are going to pass by either way and if you are on the list you get therapy at the end of it.

that's true. i'll think about it, maybe speak to T.