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Member
Member Since Mar 2010
Location: Searching for compassion
Posts: 392
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Jun 03, 2011 at 10:27 PM
#1
(Possible Trigger)
Today I was in a DVD store..a regular DVD store. They had kid movies, and every kind of move..free willy...etc... I was browsing...and I went to the back of the DVD store...and then when I looked to my left...there was a man, and he was looking at the DVDs and ...then I realized they were pornographic DVDs and then I just started whimpering and holding my arm. I felt so helpless...I felt like I knew him and I started walking to the other side of the store ...but I couldnt stop whimpering. Im sure people thought I was crazy. Later on, I was sitting down and suddenly when I inhaled I got a horrible sharp pain in my left side of my chest...its been getting worse and worse as the day goes on (its been at least 6 hours) it just feels bad and now my legs hurt. Each time I think about that man and him ... My stepfather, comes to mind. He made me watch pornography and he forced me and told me I liked it because I was dirty..I feel so scared..I feel like that man in the store knew and Im disgusting and I just couldnt stop whimpering around in the store all pathetically like an idiot. Physically right now..Im in incredible pain in my muscles..has this ever happened to anyone? Emotionally Im just numb...I dont know anymore __________________ 
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who reads this, anyway?
Member Since Oct 2006
Location: Appalachia
Posts: 9,968
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Jun 03, 2011 at 10:46 PM
#2
It sounds like your muscles are tensed following your bad experience in the store today. Could you take a relaxing bubble bath or do some stretches? Try to divert your mind by listening to music or watching a favorite DVD.
__________________ The purpose of life is not to be happy. It is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well. anonymous |
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Member
Member Since Apr 2011
Location: US
Posts: 224
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Jun 03, 2011 at 10:55 PM
#3
I agree. Have you had panic attacks before? It sounds maybe like it could be that?Try to relax and focus on now. He was not your stepdad, and you aren't that kid anymore. Just keep reminding yourself you are safe, you are ok, you are not disgusting. Triggers suck  They come out of nowhere and knock us down. Just get back up and keep fighting this battle.
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Elder
Member Since Jan 2011
Location: missing
Posts: 6,693
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Jun 04, 2011 at 12:04 AM
#4
I agree with doodle..it sounds like a panic attack. The severe ones can cause you to unknowingly tense your muscles and rapid heartbeat and hyperventilating cause all the symptoms you are describing. I'm sorry this is so tough, triggers are awful. Is there anything you can do to relax and try to get yourself grounded?
__________________  Children's talent to endure stems from their ignorance of alternatives. ~ Maya Angelou Thank you SadNEmpty for my avatar and signature.
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Account Suspended
Member Since May 2011
Location: Texas
Posts: 1,000
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Jun 04, 2011 at 01:55 AM
#5
I agree with everyone pretty much but...if you haven't talked to an MD yet and the pain is still there it might be best to get it checked out just to be on the safe side.
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Wise Elder
Member Since Jan 2009
Posts: 7,516
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Jun 04, 2011 at 10:09 PM
#6
((((((((((((Shoez))))))))))))
I hope you are feeling better. 
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Elder
Member Since Jan 2011
Location: missing
Posts: 6,693
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Jun 05, 2011 at 12:53 AM
#7
Are you feeling any better Shoez?
__________________ Children's talent to endure stems from their ignorance of alternatives. ~ Maya Angelou Thank you SadNEmpty for my avatar and signature.
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Member
Member Since Mar 2010
Location: Searching for compassion
Posts: 392
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Jun 06, 2011 at 12:38 AM
#8
I still have it ..a few days later now..but its faint. I think maybe I got so worked up I messed up my muscles.
It was just too much. I felt like that guy was going to abuse me. Im better now. Thank you so much everyone for caring __________________
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Elder
Member Since Jan 2011
Location: missing
Posts: 6,693
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Jun 06, 2011 at 03:55 PM
#9
Maybe check with your doc if it continues? I know after severe attacks, I've felt lingering pain for days. I guess it takes the body some time to recover from an extreme stress-er like that. Hang in there!
__________________ Children's talent to endure stems from their ignorance of alternatives. ~ Maya Angelou Thank you SadNEmpty for my avatar and signature.
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Legendary
Member Since Jul 2008
Posts: 19,179
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Jun 08, 2011 at 10:31 AM
#10
Sounds like you were triggered and it brought back all of those old, stored feelings. Do you have a therapist to discuss this with?
__________________ Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........ I'm an ISFJ |
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Member
Member Since Mar 2010
Location: Searching for compassion
Posts: 392
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Jun 10, 2011 at 12:07 AM
#11
I dont anymore. I have a pastor..but Im too ashamed to say anything.
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Elder
Member Since Jan 2011
Location: missing
Posts: 6,693
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Jun 11, 2011 at 08:59 AM
#12
Shame is so common - remember, it doesn't belong to you - it belongs to the ones who hurt you. I have finally reached the point where I understand that concept intellectually, but I'm having a hard time making my heart believe it. I feel for you! It's not fair that it happened in the first place, it's even more unfair that we are left dealing with the aftermath. I try really hard to have hope for healing - sometimes that hope seems so far out of reach...
__________________ Children's talent to endure stems from their ignorance of alternatives. ~ Maya Angelou Thank you SadNEmpty for my avatar and signature.
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Member
Member Since Mar 2010
Location: Searching for compassion
Posts: 392
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Jun 12, 2011 at 09:37 AM
#13
it helps me so much just to know that someone else understands. I felt like I could have written what you just wrote
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Legendary
Member Since Jul 2008
Posts: 19,179
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Jun 13, 2011 at 01:59 PM
#14
Can you get another therapist?
__________________ Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........ I'm an ISFJ |
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Member
Member Since Mar 2010
Location: Searching for compassion
Posts: 392
14 167 hugs
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Jun 14, 2011 at 02:14 PM
#15
Quote:
I was thinking about doing online therapy or something __________________
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Junior Member
Member Since Jun 2011
Location: New Cumberland, Pa
Posts: 8
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Jun 15, 2011 at 10:31 AM
#16
Quote:
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Legendary
Member Since Jul 2008
Posts: 19,179
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Jun 15, 2011 at 10:11 PM
#17
There is government supported therapy and sliding scale. Are you a minor?
__________________ Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........ I'm an ISFJ |
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