[Nameless1]

I carry a great guilt about an unresolved inexplicable action on my part while I was in grade school.

To this day I can not tell you why I did this. What happened and my memory is rather vague about this but some how in the girls bathroom, there was another girl that I seemed to be bullying. All I did was I made her take off her panties. Threw them away... and just left her there.

I feel sooo horrible because I dont know why I did it. And worse the knowledge that somewhere in this world I terrorized a child for no reason.

Now I wonder if that was an early manifestation of the sexual abuse I was going through.

Any insight? And please don't dress it up. Tell me the raw truth as you see it, whatever it may be.

Thank you

[Mediator]

sorry no thoughts
did you have good relationship with parents

[Sannah]

Hi Nameless, if you are a victim and you get tired of it, one way to not the the victim for a little bit is to be the perpetrator.

[SoupDragon]

Well done for sharing this, couldn't have been easy for you.

I guess it is very possible that you were acting out some of the stuff you were being exposed to. There is always a reason for our actions and as adults we are just better placed to be able to make choices for the way we behave - children do not always have the same ability to make the right choice for a whole host of reasons.

[Nameless1]

Thank you. This is difficult to share because it is so evil on my part, and against my nature. I never was an outspoken child or bully with the exception of this event. On the contrary I kept to myself, very insecure and a general feeling of being unsafe even abandoned. Weird.

I have spent many years praying that God would forgive me, and that this person would be healed from any trauma I caused...unbelievable and unforgivable.