[Happy2bHere]

I've recently come out to my mother about having been abused, but only because I thought she already knew. I've only other times talked about it very briefly to my relationship partners, just off-hand mentioning I might have attachment issues because I was abused and then the conversation ends. Or if one of my (usually) male friends is being a jerk and NOT FUNNY I say "well you know I've been raped", just so they might be more sensitive to what they say after realizing it's not some far off thing, but they know someone. I think I've recovered pretty well, except being able to have a healthy relationship.

The question: The other day my mom asked if I had been physically or sexually abused or both. I just told her I didn't want to talk about it at the time. I don't want to talk about it ever though. To anyone except maybe a therapist. It's hard enough dealing with what I can't forget, but actually remembering the details of everything that happened is something that just seems like pain for no reason. And there is no way I want my mom to think of me having gone through all those things, and I don't know how it would benefit her to know anyways. Why does she want to know all the details? Isn't what I told her enough? No one else has ever pushed the subject.

So what would you advise? what have you done? How do you deal with the questions?

[Butterflies Are Free]

Well, I started out dealing with it in therapy and then was able to share it with my mom.
I still have a hard time sharing it with others, although I now know that it wasn't my fault and that I have nothing to feel ashamed about. I think you should wait until you are ready to talk about it and seeing a therapist might be a great idea.

[Sannah]

Yeah, if you see a therapist and work through all of this everything else will fall into place (with your working on things).

[Open Eyes]

((((((((Happy2bHere))))))))))

Your mom most likely wants to talk about it just out of concern and she may just think you need to discuss what happened. It can also mean that she needs to understand how something bad happened to her child. You will always be her child and some mothers ask probing questions so they can find ways of trying to "kiss it better" so to speak.

And it is normal not to want to discuss the details of being raped. I strongly recommend that you talk with a therapist to help you find the right way to deal with this experience, just so it doesn't come back to haunt you later on in life. It is just important that you don't surpress the emotions that arised during the event, and properly put it behind you.

Open Eyes

[Happy2bHere]

Originally Posted by Open Eyes

((((((((Happy2bHere))))))))))

Your mom most likely wants to talk about it just out of concern and she may just think you need to discuss what happened. It can also mean that she needs to understand how something bad happened to her child. You will always be her child and some mothers ask probing questions so they can find ways of trying to "kiss it better" so to speak.

And it is normal not to want to discuss the details of being raped. I strongly recommend that you talk with a therapist to help you find the right way to deal with this experience, just so it doesn't come back to haunt you later on in life. It is just important that you don't surpress the emotions that arised during the event, and properly put it behind you.

Open Eyes

thank you! i think this helped me better understand both my mom's perspective and motives as well as my own.
you have no idea the weight that came off my shoulders when you said "its normal not to want to discuss the details of being raped" i think that's what i've been feeling, but haven't been able to express