[Bubba-Bear-96]

This is just a rant I suppose... Knowing my parents won't ever see this, but it's at least worth a good rant over it. I absolutely HATE what they did to me, because now I'm just another screw up in this hell-hole of a world. They hit me for 7 years of my childhood and I had things thrown at me.. The name calling and lies I was told as a child... THEY have made me like this. It's them. It's their fault, not mine. All this time I've been convinced that the abuse was my fault. But no, it's their fault. They hit me. They slapped me. They yelled at me... The only reason it stopped is because I threatened to leave and never come back and then call the police if they didn't stop.. I was 12 years old. Now I still get names called to me and everything else, and it's mostly my mother. But occasionally my father does chime it with the harsh words. I'm sick of it. If only they knew what I have become because I was treated unfairly and even cruely by them and others. I'm stuck between forgiving or forgetting right now, and each day the decision turns so much harder to make. :\

[needfixing]

your right it's your parents fault not yours.
maybe seek a group session to get rid of this anger, or one on one t.
thanks for sharing

[Tosspot]

Yes, your parents have harmed you and damaged you. But you can't undo it. All we can do is change. I went years being angry, depressed and resentful at my abusers. But eventually I had to accept that it happened, I can't go back, and I better get to a place where I can be ok.

[roads]

Originally Posted by Bubba-Bear-96

This is just a rant I suppose... Knowing my parents won't ever see this, but it's at least worth a good rant over it. I absolutely HATE what they did to me, because now I'm just another screw up in this hell-hole of a world.
....
I'm sick of it. If only they knew what I have become because I was treated unfairly and even cruely by them and others. I'm stuck between forgiving or forgetting right now, and each day the decision turns so much harder to make. :\

You write so well that I have to think you've already processed a great deal of what you went through. I don't know whether you've gotten any counseling yet, but if not you seem to have come some of the distance on your own. You seem to be at a crossroad of some sort--do you know what sort of support would be of help in making this important decision facing you?

[Sannah]

Good for you for standing up for yourself at 12 y.o.a.!! Sounds like you need to express some of this anger. Can you keep writing? We will continue to listen. There are more choices then forgiving or forgetting. You can process what happened to you and work on yourself. Start acting like the person that you want to be and you will become that person. Forgetting never works and forgiving is a process that comes after some processing and getting yourself to a better place.

Let us support you!

[StrawberryFieldsss]

i agree with sannah. i think its wonderful that youre allowing yourself to experiecne and express that anger instead of directing it inside.