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#1
Nov 30, 2011, 08:20 AM
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Ok this is going to sound a bit strange? dumb? out there >>>>>> lol ..sigh
go to a website that has a virtual world - hey i can be skinny and pretty there lol - also i can be me - or the many me's that are me.....sigh - not DID just fractured i think - stuck in the past in parts of me that need to get over this... they have many worlds there - some of which are abusive - well can be - there are freaks everywhere anyway right (looks in mirror lol - yup)  this is so hard to say...... ok spit it out - you can have virtual sex there - ok those of you that fainted get up - passes thema fan - it can seem very real as it involves two real people wiht avatars that do what ..well they would be doing if they were doing it lol - geez trying to say things without saying them is hard...... ok so that could be harmless fun except there are places you can go for .... stuff thats not nice let us say.... (feels her halo slipping and choking her lol ) oh well i go there and bad things happen that actually carry through to real life - real life contact .. that is also bad - no i dont actually meet them but there are ways of meeting people that arnt physically meeting them..... I know this is like an addiction, a need inside that wants out , and i am ashamed .. or not .... afterwards.... or if i "wake up " and think what the hell are you doing - repeating past trauma - why? to change it? well youre not ..... I understand why i do this ..... I try hard not to - after just doing it to try to get it out of my system - which only made it worse - have a need to be controlled.... but i hate being controlled and dictated to lol doesnt make much sense does it ..... the strange thingis it does to me ... I am so much incontrol of my life - i have to be to make sure i dont go over the edge into depression or anxiety attacks or panic attacks or dunno pizza attacks ....hmm thats not actually a joke as i wil binge eat at times and not eat at all at others - which is bad for a newly diagnosed type 2 diabetic .... I am trying to fix that... lol im trying to fix everything and everybody lolI went to faccebook to play games and ended up in a healing circle page supporting others - its just so much easier to support others than to fix myself i guess.... I suppose it all comes down to impulse control...... can anyone relate?????     
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Its not how many times you fall down that counts  its how many times you get back up!   (Thanks to fenrir for my Picture  )When you have come to the edge of all light that you know and are about to drop off into the darkness of the unknown, Faith is knowing One of two things will happen: There will be something solid to stand on or you will be taught to fly. by Patrick Overton, author and poet |
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#2
Nov 30, 2011, 10:34 AM
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I know that feeling, when I had a world of warcraft account I would play it from morning to night.
 Bad time in my life though.
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 phoenix7
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#3
Dec 01, 2011, 05:12 AM
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i hope you have managed to move on and heal
__________________
Its not how many times you fall down that counts its how many times you get back up! (Thanks to fenrir for my Picture )When you have come to the edge of all light that you know and are about to drop off into the darkness of the unknown, Faith is knowing One of two things will happen: There will be something solid to stand on or you will be taught to fly. by Patrick Overton, author and poet |
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