[Fairy39]

I hope it is ok to post this in here.

I was abused as a child. I am now diagnosed with bpd. I dissociate and i am really vulnerable. I was sexually assaulted in July. They have been charged. I'm finding it really hard to deal with on top of my mental illness. In therapy i am dealing with the abuse as a child and then i have to see a rape worker to talk about the assault.

She says i keep getting revictimised because i was abused as a child. She says she is going to teach me about boundaries. I really don't know what's acceptable when it comes to men. She says a child part keeps coming out too.

[kasva]

Hi fairy39...I'm so sorry that you are having to deal with a rape after already dealing with child abuse. It just isn't fair. I hope that you are being gentle with yourself. hugs if okay. My thoughts are with you.....kasva

((((hugs))))

[Fairy39]

Thank you both. Yes it is very difficult for me to even talk about it. And i hate that i am so vulnerable.

[Sannah]

Sounds like you have a very good therapist who is going to help you. Keep us posted on how you are doing?

[Tosspot]

Hi fairy,
Thanks so much for your post. We are not alone here.
I agree with Sannah, keep us posted on your progress.

[likewater]

Fairy, i'm so sorry. I had a similar experience. I was abused as child and assaulted by chiropractor. I am so sorry that happened to you. It wasn't your fault. Please don't think it was. Sending you hugs if that's ok.

[needfixing]

your past repeated itself so sorry.
for me i was sexually and physically abused in my childhood so i can relate.
i moved forward by leaning on and trusting my faith. i forgave my past because it wasn't my fault, and i can't change it.
i also had a talk with my mother for not protecting me. that was BIG for me.
healing is a journey, baby steps are needed.
my nightmares stopped, the feeling of betrayal and anger is gone.
i am still a work in progress, i have self esteem issues.
glad your getting help, just a suggestion please read the book beauty for ashes by joyce meyer. (((hugs)))

[tohelpafriend]

Originally Posted by Fairy39

I hope it is ok to post this in here.

I was abused as a child. I am now diagnosed with bpd. I dissociate and i am really vulnerable. I was sexually assaulted in July. They have been charged. I'm finding it really hard to deal with on top of my mental illness. In therapy i am dealing with the abuse as a child and then i have to see a rape worker to talk about the assault.

She says i keep getting revictimised because i was abused as a child. She says she is going to teach me about boundaries. I really don't know what's acceptable when it comes to men. She says a child part keeps coming out too.

I congratulate you for pressing charges. Good luck with T!

[Open Eyes]

((((Fairy)))))

Your not alone, I was SA as a child, and Mauled by a dentist in his office instead of what was supposed to be a consultation about my teeth, I was druged and date raped in my teens (now they warn about watching drinks), mauled by my manager that I worked under as a professional singer, chased and attempted rape in a parking lot after a performance, had a stalker come and sit and stare at me everytime I entertained (back then there were no stalker laws). Just to list a few and it wasn't my fault, truely didn't see any of it coming. And I didn't tell my parents when I sang because I thought they would stop me from performing, but I ended up quiting on my own. I did tell my father about the dentist but that was before there were laws where someone could be charge or even sued for something like that.

I am only giving my list so you can see that things can happen that are not your fault.
You can recover and learn how to make better boundaries, your not alone and I am glad to hear your getting couceling. Every time someone does report a rape I am glad because back in my day there just wasn't as much protection are there is now. And now there is help for those who have experienced abuse there wasn't back when I needed it. So be grateful that you truely can get help and learn better ways to protect yourself.

Open Eyes

[Fairy39]

Thank you everyone for your replies i really appreciate it. I was abused by both of my parents i have nothing to do with them. T6he rest of family don't care about me and haven't done anything to help me since i was put in a psyciatric adolescent unit when i was 16.

I see the rape worker on wednesday i haven't seen her for a couple of weeks. About the case it is still pending which i found out as i have now moved and i am safe from my neighbours who assaulted me. So the pf hasn't even looked at the case yet i ended up taking an OD as i just couldn't cope anymore a couple of weeks ago.

It is so hard on top of everything else. It is hard to accept one of the men saw my vulnerability and took advantage of that. The CID are also saying that with all the alcohol i had on top of all the medication i was on that i wouldn't have been able to consent anyway.

I have kind of worked through the what if and i'm so stupid with my rape worker.

[Sannah]

Are you discussing with her how too much alcohol can make dangerous situations more likely?

[mgran]

Awh, honey I'm so sorry. This is an awful thing to happen to anyone... I hate these people who seem to hone in on the vulnerable... it's like they have a radar that permits them to evil to the weakest and most vulnerable. But you have a good counsellor, the courage to have opened up about your past, and to confront those who have hurt you in the present. Well done on all that. You are vulnerable, yes, but you are also a survivor... and I honestly believe that with therapy and time you will find yourself to be far stronger than you know. You deserve to be happy, and I wish you all joy. Love yourself, you're worthy to be loved.

Revictimization certainly can and does happen. I was SA'd at several points during my childhood, multiple perpetrators, unrelated to the other points. And then I've been raped 3 times as an adult. In my case, the police didn't charge any of the rapes, because apparently I didn't fight hard enough to make it clear I didn't give consent. So I feel re-revictimized by the police.

[Fairy39]

Originally Posted by Sannah

Are you discussing with her how too much alcohol can make dangerous situations more likely?

yes and i will never drink when i am with men again.

[Fairy39]

Originally Posted by LovebirdsFlying

Revictimization certainly can and does happen. I was SA'd at several points during my childhood, multiple perpetrators, unrelated to the other points. And then I've been raped 3 times as an adult. In my case, the police didn't charge any of the rapes, because apparently I didn't fight hard enough to make it clear I didn't give consent. So I feel re-revictimized by the police.

I'm sorry all that has happened to you and that the police have let you down

[Fairy39]

I saw my rape worker yesterday. She really helped. She helped me to see that i am made up of more than just what's happened to me. And that i need to look after that vulnerable part of me and help her to feel safe. I cried throughout all this. I didn't think i deserved that.

I am not going to see her for 3 weeks now because it's too much with the work i am doing with my nurse.

[Sannah]

So glad that you are getting good help!

[Fairy39]

I'm going to phone my rape worker for an appointment next week. I've been thinking that i can just for get about the rape but i can't and i need to keep working through it.

Originally Posted by Fairy39

I'm going to phone my rape worker for an appointment next week. I've been thinking that i can just for get about the rape but i can't and i need to keep working through it.

I don't think it's possible to forget about it, nor should you. However, with time and healing, you can learn to cope. You live with it, you adjust, you adapt. These are not the same as forgetting.

[Sannah]

Originally Posted by Fairy39

I'm going to phone my rape worker for an appointment next week. I've been thinking that i can just for get about the rape but i can't and i need to keep working through it.

Very good!!

The thing that keeps us stuck is not working through what happened to us. Work through it, release those emotions and THEN you can move on. Please continue to keep us posted on how you are doing.

[SophiaG]

Originally Posted by tohelpafriend

I congratulate you for pressing charges.

I echo this congratulations.

[Fairy39]

I've been awake since 4am it's now 5.30am. I don't know why but woken up thinking about all of it and couldn't get back to sleep. What they did to me and all of the police stuff in my head

I did phone my rape worker back on Friday. She was really good she says i don't have to talk about it if it is too hard but i can talk about anything i want to. So i'm going to see her on Wednesday again. I do need to talk about it and how it's affected me.

[Tosspot]

Good for you fairy, i'm so proud!!! I think it takes a lot to speak up so soon and start dealing with the reality of the situation. Its so easy to bury yourself and try to blot it out and hope it goes away.. and that doesn't work.

you will, and you are, healing. keep it up and keep us posted ((hugs if they are ok)))

[Fairy39]

Thanks i did manage to talk about some of it then just found it too hard to continue. I'm hurting a lot about it right now and sad. I'm close to tears right this minute