[Nemo39122]

This is mostly just venting...

Thanksgiving weekend was hell. I tried staying away from my family to make it easier. That just got me screamed at. Told that I was never abused, then that I should just "get over it" (seriously, make up your mind...). Blamed for everything that's going wrong, blamed for things that happened to me as a baby, told that I "ruined the holidays" and that I "ruined everything." I overheard my mom saying that "She's not moving out until she learns to respect her father." Really? Try forcing me to stay here any longer than I have to (financially)....and good luck getting me to respect him. I'm pretty sure I'm big enough to hit back now.

Here comes christmas. I used to love it. I used to be that person wearing a santa hat in August...but I just don't care about it anymore. My "family" pretending to be happy, pretending to be functional, pretending to care about eachother...it's all a lie. Just another lie. A lie I have to go along with, because me showing any emotion is bad. It only gets me yelled at. They can almost function normally when I don't say anything. When I don't try to do anything for myself. When I just stay invisible. It's like they had an extra kid, and I just don't fit. I don't belong here.

I had to go christmas shopping today. I even had to buy presents for my dad, and pretend I'm ok with it because I can't show that I'm not. I just don't want to get screamed at again. I'm starting to realize that I don't really matter. I have to go along with their lies, or they will just make my life worse.

...How the **** do you deal with the holidays?

[googley]

((((((((((((((((Nemo))))))))))))))))))

I am so sorry you have to put up with your family. I am sorry they are so awful. When I was still in contact with my family over the holidays I would count the days down until I could get away from them. I would also plan lots of things outside of the house (going to the mall, going to the movies) anything to get me out of the house. I hope you find some things to do to get away from them.

[needfixing]

you get no emotional support or validation.

as for the holidays it's hard to be cheery when there is no support.

start healing here, vent all you want, i validate you, and maybe you sharing might let go some of the hurt, and loneliness you feel.

keep pc in mind when your having a crapy day, we are here for you!

[Sannah]

That doesn't sound right all. I'm sorry that you have to experience that.