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#1
Dec 19, 2011, 02:15 AM
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Being an adult child of abuse, I ran away from it once I was an adult. Even joined the military so that it would never, ever happen again. I figured I could take care of myself...and then, my worst fear came true...
My sister recreated the environment and abuse experienced during childhood. This was a long, slow, incidious process (think frog boiling to death when water is slowly heated up). I recognized it for what it was and again I ran from it as an adult. I am now estranged from my family thanks to a few people in my family with some pretty nasty personality disorders. I moved 1,300 miles to be near family believing they had changed over time (a tiger never changes his stripes I guess). They didn't change at all...spent the last 8 months in a horrific environment. I am now in a strange city (Vegas is REALLY strange). I have a t and a pdoc, a job for about another month (it's seasonal), and housing from the VA. I know I am strong, but I am going to need some support, and thought I could get it from you all. I really did believe my family had changed...oh how wrong I was. Anyone else been through this? I'd like to get back home where I belong eventually (it's really cold here and I hate the cold). Don't know anyone here. My job lasts about another month at most. I am feeling angry, isolated, betrayed, crazy, disappointed, mistrustful... Where to go from here?
__________________
NuckingFutz, National Child Abuse Hotline: 1-800-4-A-CHILD National Dom Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE  
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 Anonymous37917, DespondentDaisy, jitters, kindachaotic, shezbut, Unrigged64072835
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 Anonymous32463, Bill3
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#2
Dec 19, 2011, 02:38 AM
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If you feel like you want to go home then go home. While you could not control the abuse you experienced as a child you now have more power than you realise. You can choose the extent to which these people are involved in your life. You can go home and if these people continued to abuse you then you can get protection orders, not live with them etc.
Take care of yourself, i know when it comes to family its is very complicated. 
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| Betty_Banana
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#3
Dec 26, 2011, 04:32 AM
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(((((((((Nuckingfutz)))))))))--oh...okay...(yeah, ain't Vegas weird?--eww!)
I contacted the "Independent Living Center" (every state has them for people with disabilities) here in New York from Vegas...that's how I wound up back here..with a promise of affordable housing (that turned out awful--they wanted me to kill my dog before they'd give me the housing once I got here--eh--wound up homeless in car for 8 months; yeah! it was illegal, she was an emotional support dog...and so old  )You can google them for the state of your destination... "Independent Living Center" Then, I contacted NAMI...tried for some help from them... The Independent Living Center I had in Vegas---Minerva Rivera--[B]702-889-4216[B] she got me on a list for Carson City for a Section 8--(Impossible to get now!) but if you live up there with the Section 8 for a year, (I think-not sure) you can "port" it anywhere in the USA! (I had one..gave it up cause they promised housing here! dupid of me!) I know she can give you many options...very nice lady.... Good to see you--so sorry to hear! No, they don't change...they just don't... (((((((((((((((NuckingFutz))))))))))))))pm me!!! Put our heads together!!! You are one of the people I always think of when I think of PC...missed you much! Let's get you safe! You are sooo strong...you can and will do this!! xoxoxoxoxotheo |
| kindachaotic
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#4
Dec 26, 2011, 04:34 AM
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(((((nuckingfutz)))))
__________________
The purpose of life is not to be happy. It is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well. anonymous |
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#5
Dec 26, 2011, 07:33 PM
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Still reeling from starting an estrangement from family. Lot of emotion going on even took some time off from work. Gotta go back tomorow.
Gotta start reaching out a little more. I know I did the right thing. You know family is pretty rough when you have go away from them to feel safe. Actually it's pathetic. But I am taking things one step at a time. Getting some help from the VA... that kind of thing. Hopefully will be here more online... Will pm you theo... ttyl...
__________________
NuckingFutz, National Child Abuse Hotline: 1-800-4-A-CHILD National Dom Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE
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| Anonymous32463
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#6
Dec 26, 2011, 07:59 PM
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I ran away from my family when i was 21. I made many excuses not to attend family events, mostly that i couldnt afford the drive and since i lived in poverty they usually bought it. Several years ago when the ptsd hit real hard and i started having flashbacks and memories resurface of the abuse, I was finally able to admit how bad life was as a child. I wrote my dad a letter outlining the abuse and said all the things i wanted to say and then said i wanted no further contact. I ended up so traumatized i was committed against my will, but disowning my family was the best thing i ever did. My ptsd got much better after that. All the pressure and guilt of not living up to my family role is now gone. I am finally free.
are you able to move back to your family and keep yourself separate from them? they will not change. you will continue to be abused by them if you go back. what measures can you take to protect yourself? |
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#7
Dec 26, 2011, 08:15 PM
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((((((((((Nucking)))))))--sometimes complete strangers can be kinder than our "families"/
I discovered I had no one in my life who really gave a rats arse about me last year in blizzards and snows which darned near killed me. My "family"--kids, brothers..."Burdens on you, annie"--cold reality message on my cell one night. It is, in the end, all on each of us to find our way. Hurts an awful lot. A lesson for me. Have learned to be grateful for small things...I was Homeless, but at least I had a car!--a blessing! I found there are people who masquerade as strangers who are really angels who helped me...I am so grateful for every small thing now...amazing how I've changed. Nucking, I've forgiven them all...needed to do that...love my kids, always will; and my brothers...I don't know how to stop loving someone I love. However, I keep them all a phone/skype away...daughter called aft a year's silence; was so happy...knew it  she's in a divorce situation...and going through a lot...wanted me to come to Connecticut and cook Christmas dinner ("no one does it like you, ma")NO. It hurt to know she wanted to use me yet again...I so do not fall into their traps anymore... No more button pushing for me.... ha...I gots laryngitis and pneumonia for Christmas (Santa be good to me?--ugg haha) I spent 8 years alone on holidays with only a peanut butter sandwich for din din. Last year I was sick with walking pneumonia and living out of my car...had to put poor (((Crackers))) down in November...I was alone again. I am grateful for my lesson--hard won!! Almost died! Almost killed in my car!--So grateful...I [B]allow no one to use me these days...certainly not my dysfunctional (well towards me, the ole bleeding heart the ole caretaker the one who was always there for each of them=MOI once upon a time) family.[B] There comes a time when you stand on your own, and do not get into the drama of others lives...it's quiet and satisfying for me... I'd rather have a dog...  No drama there! hugs----------theo
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| kindachaotic
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#8
Dec 26, 2011, 10:42 PM
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(((((((((((NuckingFutz)))))))))))
I just saw your thread. I am so sorry this is happening. 
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#9
Dec 26, 2011, 10:50 PM
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Sorry, Ms Futz. Hang in there.
__________________
 notz |
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#10
Dec 26, 2011, 11:42 PM
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Quote:
Hugs, Bluemountains |
| Anonymous32463
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#11
Dec 28, 2011, 06:12 AM
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Hi
I WOULD NOT have contact with your family if they are toxic. Read 'Toxic Parents' a great read by an American Author I think Susan Forward. You can't change them and you could be seriously undermining all the efforts you have made to improve your mental health, be very careful. Your friends can be your family. |
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#12
Dec 28, 2011, 09:37 AM
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I don't know about abusers NEVER changing. My dad and I reconciled. He was not as abusive as my mom, but he would go into these rages periodically. After my first therapy experience, he and I really talked and he acknowledged how "brutal" he had been (his words), and told me how sorry he was. He tried really hard to change and make it up to me. My mother on the other hand, has a severe personality disorder and will never really change. She is simply incapable of having a normal, adult relationship.
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#13
Dec 29, 2011, 01:06 AM
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I haven't been through this with family, but with friends. I can only imagine how hard it would be if it were my family memebers. It;s easy to want to believe in the good in other people, especially if they're close to you. It's hard to tell yourself to stop caring and stay away but it sounds like that would be in your best interest right now.
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#14
Dec 30, 2011, 07:41 AM
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I'm sorry to hear that your sister recreated the horror that you were trying to get away from. I joined the military as well and I stayed away from my family as long as I could. I knew that my family wouldn't change because they didn't think there was anything wrong. Unfortunately my childhood need for approval and attention got me into some really bad abusive relationships which essentially recreated the same environment. I'm still in therapy trying to recover from it all.
I'm glad that your getting help from the VA and I hope you'll be back in a place where you feel safe and comfortable again. |
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