i reclaimed my self today..my soul..my being. i did something i always wanted to do...i got a tatoo...."resurgam" in latin it means i shall rise again.

20 yrs ago today i abandodned my abusive mother & moved out to begin a life of my own. i was forced to care for her after she became ill. i basically put all chance of transfers form my job on hold & gave what what could have been an awesome career to care for her. it was HELL.

the abuse i had endured as a child was bad & never ending..until college..then i was able to escape & see that there was a normal world beyond the confines of my home. then came work & travel & life was wonderful...then due to a need to suck it up & get benefits i was forced to accept a position close to home. & then she had a stroke. the first of many & then a broken hip.& it was a nightmare. my brother & sister fled never to be seen again. i got sick & nearly died. many times.

& then the stressors of work began...almost combat ptsd. not what i expected & they never ended either...altho i know that i got my money's worth out of the hostage negotiations course that's for sure...

anyway...i did get out..& it hurt...it was hard..but i reclaimed my life. so today i celebrated. & i am proud & happy &b at peace.

[PurpleFlyingMonkeys]

That's wonderful, that's what we always want to read! It's such an amazing feeling when you escape an abusive relationship no matter what the relationship was. It's wonderful to be free and feel free! Congrats for making it so far and for how far you will continue to go!

[Gus1234U]

i feel that you have done a wonderful thing, stumpy, you have been true to yourself, now you are receiving the award medal from yourself. how wonderful to have so much to credit yourself with~! the suffering you have felt, i know all too well,, it may subside in time to a faint memory, or even become a recognized source of your personal strength and integrity. but the goodness and generosity you have shown will never darken, it will be a light in your world forever. KUDOS and best wishes, Gus

[needfixing]

to live your life in peace, happiness, joy, and FREEDOM!

GOOD FOR YOU!

[Open Eyes]

Congratulations stumpy, it is so important to hear from someone who has finally found their way past the struggle. Your an inspiration, proof that others can find strength again as well.

Open Eyes

i am in no way past the struggle...it is a long road..i have just reached a certain portion of the highway. honestly i doubt i will ever be "past the struggle"...while i identify that i was abused severely as a child & a young adult i do not use that as the sole identifier of myself.

it had an impact on who i am today..there is no doubt about that...but is it who i am totally? no. i firmly believe that my DID & ptsd is based on the abuse from my childhood. the ptsd was then exacerbated by events i experienced during my career. who knows..maybe if i had not been abused my ptsd would be much less severe from work?

never the less...i am on a journey...i will be healed. i am now much healthier than i was previously. i don't need the mumbo jumbo of information that gets posted by questionable sources, or specialized t's..i am blessed by having a great t (after having worked with a super crappy & abusive one). she has worked with combat vet's. we get along. she has done wonders with me...are there others more up to date? probably...would we click? who knows. i like her, she gets me, she knows me..that's all i worry about. & honestly i think that is what is most importantly behind healing...the human connection..especially for survivors (not victims ) of abuse...

so yeah...i have risen...i believe most people will too..trust YOUR gut. your soul. listen to it. not to others..except those that are close to you & therapy is working...stick with it...sometimes it sucks..& it hurts but stick with it. the forest clears...trust me. sometimes there might be little patches of woods but eventually the clearings outnumber the trees.

it's taken me years of therapy. & the gym...to be strong inside you have to be strong outside too...even if it's just riding the bike for 10 minutes a day...it's something. strong is strong...strong people can fight back...
strong is important.it gives you a sense of control. that's what we need...control.

anyway. that's me...i'm not done yet...but i am getting there..& you guys can too...hell you can get this tattoo also if you want...i don't own it...or a shirt..or what ever will work for you...i even have a necklace that says.."i am strong." ya gotta do what ya gotta do & what works.

[TerryL]

Congratulations stumpy! I am so happy for you. I have enjoyed reading your many humorous posts but this one has been the best. Wishing you much peace and happiness on your journey.

[Sannah]

Ahhh, very good!!