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#1
Mar 04, 2006, 06:45 AM
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My fault, I deserved it, my fault, so stupid.
not an eternity though it feels like it. Is there ever going to be an end to the greyness? I am falling will anyone catch me? The silence is so loud, the memories scream, scream to be heard, the pressure builds, like a suitcase that has too much, so much that you have to sit on it to get it closed. as the greyness gathers, my thoughts take over, threatening hurting, I can't breathe, i can't see, panic arises. darkness, i find my fear in the darkness, a fear so incredibly overwhelming that i cannot move, nor can i shout. hidden, hiding behind the charade dreaming, drowning, falling, each day is a struggle. Ashamed of feeling the way i do ashamed of needing anyone ashamed of what happened ashamed of me. |
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#2
Mar 04, 2006, 10:22 AM
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 (((((((((Catherine)))))))be gentle with yourself.........hope you feel better soon Anne
__________________
 "It is good to have an end to journey toward, but it is the journey that matters in the end.
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#3
Mar 04, 2006, 12:23 PM
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(((((((((((((Catherine))))))))))))))
wasnt your fault. wish i could take your pain away. be safe. i know its hard to escape the feelings of shame and darkness. just want you to know youre not alone.
__________________
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#4
Mar 04, 2006, 09:31 PM
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It is not your fault. I hope you will soon be able to see that. I am sorry you are feeling so bad.
__________________
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#5
Mar 04, 2006, 10:51 PM
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how could i let it happen? why did i not scream, why did i not leave sooner? why did i miss all the warnings?
the 'rational' part of me keeps telling me that the 'why' game is pointless. but at the moment i cant listen, i cant find myself. thanks for all your replies  cat |
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#6
Mar 08, 2006, 09:52 PM
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Catherine ... not your fault.
 Safe hugs if ok {{{Catherine}}} |
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#7
Mar 08, 2006, 10:19 PM
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((((((((((((((((Catherine)))))))))))))))))
Not your fault! But I understand what you are saying and going through.
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#8
Mar 09, 2006, 08:00 AM
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thank you all so much for your caring posts! its been a tough couple of weeks.
i have seen a counselor but i dont feel a great connection with her, and am a little afraid to tell her what i am really feeling, so i find before i can stop myself, telling her the things she wants to hear. like you know i'm progressing realy well, and that i am getting over it. she makes me a little uncomfortable, like she wants me to be better so she can move onto the next more deserving case. its hard too as i am not very good at talking about it and tend to use my poetry and songs but she refuses to hear it, i try to tell her i'm not ready to deal with 'straight talking' about what happened but shes not interested. i kinda feel obligated to "get over it" has anyone been through anything similar? in terms of not clicking with the counselor? |
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