[Pleasehelp23]

Ok, so recently my best friend opened up to me about some pretty deep stuff and I told him I would try and help him figure out what to do. We were both raised in the Mormon religion and I'm tryin to help him so bad!

So, since he was about 10 his older brother (15-16) at the time started to sexually abuse my friend. I was the first person he has ever told any of this to. His brother eas not demanding or forceful with him, he just suggested they do certain things over time, including hand jobs, and oral sex. He put up with this for a while, an then it just stopped. (thankfully).

Soon after that, my friend had started spending a lot of time with some very close family friends of his parents. We have all been friends out whole life, so this part shocked me.
The family had a boy 3 years older, and 3 years younger than my friend.
When they started to have sleep overs, the boy that was 3 years older began to stick his hand down my friends boxers and give him and hand job. After he would grab my friends hand and put it down his boxers to return the favor.

My friend told me that he was just so lost and confused, two guys loved and reallyooked up to had done stuff like this to him, and that it lead to him making the biggest mistakes of his life.

While the older boy was still doing stuff with him, my friend played "games" with his cousin who was 4 years younger than him. He said he was so confused, and scared, he didn't even realize the severity what he was doing. He was 12-13 at this point.

He told me on a couple occasions he played house with his cousin, and was curious about girl parts after all these guys had done to him. One day they ended up with her clothes off and he rubbed the outside of her vagina (never entered). He asked if she wanted to see a penis and she replied yes. He said he showed her but does not remember if she touched it or not. 100% positive there was never penetration though.

He also followed the footsteps of his second sexual offender and during the sleep overs with the really close family he began to stick his hand down the pants of the kids younger brother.. And play with his penis, although he never forced the other kids hand down his pants.

He quickly learned that what he was doing was wrong and could not believe everything. He realized the two guys he really trusted had led him astray. In a very bad way.

Now he say he is just as bad as them, for what he has done. But he told me today he is worse than them.. Because he forgave them, and they all have a healthy, nice relationship now. But after the incident with his cousin they never talked about it again, and he feels that he can't be forgiven and is going to hell no matter what.. It makes me very sad to see.

He is now 19, and it's been over 5 years since anything like that has happened, and he says he would never even imagine doing anything like it ever again, and that he never would have if he wasn't abused.

I domt know what to believe.. But I guess he is just as bad as them?

He sadly told me today that most times when hes alone with his thoughts he feels as if he's the most disgusting thing on the planet and that he should just be dead.

PLEASE someone help me know what to do to help my friend in anyway. I know him and he is a very kind, loving soul, and I can't imagine him ever doing anything that.. His mind most have been so messed up from what was done to him.

His biggest concern is that he cannot date normal, get married, or have kids, and just live a normal Life and be happy. Can anyone give me some insight on if he should be guilty and if he's a bad person?

[pbutton]

He is not a bad person. He can certainly go on to live a full life.

I think he would greatly benefit from the help of a therapist. My therapist told me just the other day that childhood sexual abuse is almost 'harder' on males than females in our society.

[Sannah]

Hi PH, his older brother and cousin were probably victims of someone else so they are all alike and probably all started abusing others because they were abused.

Yes, getting therapy would be really helpful for him to work through this.