[rosie89]

Do you ever find yourself desperately wanting revenge? Not violently, of course. Just wanting the other person to truly understand the weight of what they've done to you. My rapist's family members are constantly posting online about his innocence and what a great person he is, and all I want is to be able to reply. I want to write about how terribly he hurt me and how I am still not well after 2 and a half years. I want to be able to say it to them.

I know that if I were to reply, they'd shoot me down immediately. I'd get nowhere. Their son was put away and then found to have abused others, and still they proclaim his innocence. I don't wish him well. I want him to hurt. Mentally and emotionally, as I have. And I don't know how to deal with these feelings. I wish his family and I weren't from the same town and didn't share the same friends. I wish I could forget and didn't have to see their posts come up when a friend of mine posts on their walls. I wish people believed me. I wish his pleading guilty was enough. But it's not and never will be. And it still hurts. I am so angry.

[happy101]

He's hurting.He'll have cancer and die if someone doesnt stab him to death. The family will have/is having their fare share of a horrible life. leave them be. I have lived long enough to see how people get their due and its a lot worse than we imagine, really and trust me. Continue doing what you enjoy.Dont bother about this sick family and whatever they're trying to prove cos they cant succeed. tell everyone you know never to update you with anything of this sickos information. Try your best not to look for anything from them either (no websites, no nothing anymore ok). Feel sorry for yourself but dont give them anything or anymore power. You are greater thats why you survived! You're great, I can see that and know that!

[bluemountains]

((((Rosie)))),
I understand your anger and need for revenge, but remember, all of the negative feelings only hurt your health, not his. Try to work on it in therapy, and otherwise, stay as far away as possible from the negative feelings. Try to avoid any contact with anyone in his family who can hurt you through their support of him.
Good luck!
Bluemountains

yup..as much as you think it would feel good to engage them in a "look your kid was scum" kind of battle...you won't win. they are like a cornered animal & will fight for him..right wrong doesn't matter. he is their blood & they will do right by him. & listening to you..the woman who caused all of this isn;t part of the plan (I KNOW YOU DID NOT)

the best thing you can do is to just be happy. be successful & move past it. evenutally someone outside the family will tell them quietly to tone it down. he is in jail. he was guilty of your crime & others..i am sure life in jail is not pleasant for him (in many ways) .

when he comes up for parole (if) you should be asked to make a statement i believe. this is your chance to speak your case about your feelings. don't rant, rave. be articulate. but don't contact him before..or his family. never because they will swarm on you...

maybe deep down inside they know he is evil but they will never well at least not at this point admit it out loud. maybe someday they will see it but now...they will hurt you if you take them on...they are protecting their own..the wagons have been circled...

[Open Eyes]

((((rosie))))

You have some sound advice here. But I know how hard it is to deal with being treated like you are in the wrong somehow, I know that intimately myself. However, as hard as it is, you have to know in your heart that yes, you ARE the victim and this other person WAS in the wrong.

Honestly?, be thankful that justice was served and this person is paying the price for what he did, he was PROVEN guilty. What more could you ask for really? I wish that was the case in my situation, I envy you because justice was served. So you have to get on with YOUR life now. Stumpy is right about the wagons of denial, that does happen, people often simply do not want to face the truth, should not be your job to convince them of that.

Please, do not let these people allow you to feel any guilt or anger etc. Remember, he is now paying the price and if they don't want to accept his guilt that is their problem not yours. It is not your fault that HE is a guilty person. The family is in denial and there is most likely some toxic people surrounding this person so keep yourself away from any involvement in them or even those that are friendly with them. It is time to choose your friends and if others are circling around these toxic people, then they are NOT your friends. That is how you decifer who is worth your time and friendship and who to consider toxic and unhealthy of your future.

((((Hugs))))
Open Eyes

[dailyhealing]

Hi Rosie,

I'm so sorry you are angry and hurting. It must be hard to still live in the same community as that family. You have been given some good advice here. I have nothing to add, but wanted you to know I wish you strength and courage to keep fighting through your pain and anger towards peace.

[lastChance2change]

Originally Posted by rosie89

Do you ever find yourself desperately wanting revenge? Not violently, of course. Just wanting the other person to truly understand the weight of what they've done to you. My rapist's family members are constantly posting online about his innocence and what a great person he is, and all I want is to be able to reply. I want to write about how terribly he hurt me and how I am still not well after 2 and a half years. I want to be able to say it to them.

I know that if I were to reply, they'd shoot me down immediately. I'd get nowhere. Their son was put away and then found to have abused others, and still they proclaim his innocence. I don't wish him well. I want him to hurt. Mentally and emotionally, as I have. And I don't know how to deal with these feelings. I wish his family and I weren't from the same town and didn't share the same friends. I wish I could forget and didn't have to see their posts come up when a friend of mine posts on their walls. I wish people believed me. I wish his pleading guilty was enough. But it's not and never will be. And it still hurts. I am so angry.

Yes, for the last 13 years I have wanted revenge against my father for ignoring me my whole life and scaring me so much as a kid. When you're in the "revenge" phase, for me, it was impossible to heal at all at that time. I have never been raped; so I cannot say that I know exactly how you feel or what you're going through; but I do want to say, I am so sorry you had to experience such a horrifying event(s). No one should have to go through that. Your feelings, ALL your feelings are totally justified.
When something happens to us, or we're dealing with emotions and behaviors that we just don't understand or can't comprehend...the safest way to go about understanding ourselves and the event(s), is in individual therapy with a Clinical Psychologist, (Ph.d).
Support groups can be helpful, but it took me SIX YEARS before I took my therapist's advice to go to a (Dialectical Behavior therapy group).
Sometimes, it's works out best to search high and low, no matter how long it takes, for that perfect therapist that you think you might be able to develop a STRONG LONG-TERM ALLIANCE with, and spend at least 2 years in individual therapy, before going into group therapy. Group therapy can be intimidating and I personally didn't want to participate in "group" anything!
In individual therapy, you have the chance to understand basic things first, and then you'll get more out of "group" therapy. (I know it works different for everyone, this is only my personal experience)
You know yourself better than anyone else, so only you know what's best for you and when the timing is right...a therapist's influence can help you with some of that knowledge..but you're the captain of your ship. It's a very long journey...and very crucial to find the most MEANINGFUL support that you can find, no matter what type of support that is.
But it's really those years in individual psychotherapy that are going to offer you the most benefit...even though it is a painful emotional process. For me, the results of what i learned in my therapy did NOT show up until THREE years later!! So no matter how much regression you have to go through, if you do go through regression, if you can hold on to that resiliency and the hope and trust of your therapist, then the outcome of the therapy can be positively life changing.
My heart goes out to you and what you're struggling with. The anger and fear are the two things that can really be the most self destructive...in the behaviors they can elicit...I hope you're able to find the strong person in you that can see the warmth and hugs waiting for you when you arrive out of the "dark cave"...(I only say dark cave or dark hole because that's what my experience was for 8 years....for you maybe there's no darkness at all, I'm just sharing my experience hoping to send you thoughts of hope for the future.

[Sannah]

What you described doesn't sound like revenge, it sounds like you want validation? This family does not sound well. How do you think he got to be a predator in the first place? Yes, you will never convince them. I hope you can bring yourself to the point where you can ignore them.

You really did get justice. He plead guilty and his other crimes came to light.

I can certainly understand your desire for validation. I hope that you are able to heal and move forward.